Automobile Text Gifs
I don’t know what he laced them with but I was trippin’ all day
They are both orange, round and should be thrown out in early November.
I'd have 83 cents
he was bilingual
Eventually one guys looks over and sees the other is just standing there holding a pole. "Wears your shovel?" "Yeah, it sure does."
I replied "I think it's gonna be a long, long time"
She ran away from the ball.
I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey
does that make you an iWitness?
Good man. Got electrocuted every day though.
It's all in the delivery
They might spike the punch.
It was too main stream
My wife came home from the doctors today and was looking all pleased with herself, so I asked her why she was so happy. She said, “The doctor said that for a 45 year old woman, I’ve got the breasts of an 18 year old.” I snickered, “Oh yeah and what did he say about your 45 year old ass?”
She laughed, “Your name never came up in conversation.”
But I'm clean now.
On a plane!
He’s not looking so good.
All I did was take a day off!
She must have called in thick
It was hard to grasp.
Why didn’t the husband try to catch his wife when she was falling down while she was carrying clean laundry?
He wanted to watch it all unfold!
One day, a wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman. Naturally, she was very upset.
“You are a disrespectful pig!” she cried. “How dare you do this to me! I’m a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I’m leaving you. I want a divorce right away!” The husband replied, “Hang on just a minute love, so at least I can tell you what happened.” “Go ahead,” she sobbed, “but they’ll be the last words you’ll say to me!” So the husband began, “Well, I was getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn’t eaten for three days. So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night. The ones you wouldn’t eat because you’re afraid you’ll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments! Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don’t wear because you say they are too tight. I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don’t wear because I don’t have good taste. I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don’t wear just to annoy her and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don’t wear because someone at work has a pair the same.” The husband took a quick breath and continued, “She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said…” “Do you have anything else that your wife doesn’t use?”
What a strange way to start a conversation with me…
Because they have a supreme ruler.