"I'd like a whisky and……………coke" Bartender "why the big pause?" Bear "i don't know, i was born with'em"
Don’t worry, I’m clean now.
Sailor: Captain! Captain! Captain: Yes Sailor? Sailor: I think we have 3 gay sailors on board! Captain: How would you even know that? Sailor: Well I sucked Jimmy's dick and it tasted like shit.
And its called "Fast Ten, Your Seatbelt"
does he get high or medium?
I should have never left them in the same box as the bishops.
You don't find 4-layer toilet paper at McDonalds!
Sorry, wrong sub
He was sentenced to death
He was disqualified
edit: I am giving up. Drinking alcohol for the month of February.
I'm going to try the meatballs next time.
Another man walks up to him and asks, "Why are you smoking two cigarettes?" He replies: "I'm smoking one for myself and one for my brother, he is in a no-smoking prison." Satisfied with the answer, the man walks away. A few days pass and he sees the same man at the park, but he's only smoking one cigarette. Excited, he goes up to the man and asks, "Did your brother get out of prison? You are only smoking one cigarette." He replies: "No, I quit smoking."
Now normally I would say he’s all right. But actually he’s dead.
No text found
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Im beside myself
They’ve been working tirelessly to find him
The next day, he comes back and deposits $10,000. The next day, he comes back and deposits $7,500. As he walks out, the banker asks him how he gets so much money in a day. The man walks up to him and whispers, “I make bets with people.” The banker tells him, “How do you make so much?” The man says, “Here, I bet $50 you have a birthmark on your ass.” The banker says no, but the man wants proof. The banker pulls down his pants and shows him that there is no birthmark, but the man is still smiling. The banker asks why. The man says, “Because I bet each person in the building $50,000 that I could get you to pull down your pants.”
A receding hairline.
Yes it is.
Now it's aware wolf
Their funny bone has groan up so theyre more humerus
When suddenly it dawned on me
The day before Thanksgiving, a guy in Phoenix calls his son in New York and tells him,”Son, I’m really sorry but I have to tell you that your mother and I are splitting up. We can’t live with each other any more.”
The son is distraught and shouts down the phone at his father, "Pop, what are you talking about?" The father replies, "It's just that we can't stand the sight of each other any more. And I'm sick of talking about this, so will you call your sister in Chicago and tell her?" The father than hangs up, and the son frantically calls his sister, who's equally distraught and exclaims, "Like heck they're getting divorced! Leave it to me, I'll take care of this." So she calls her father and shouts down the phone at him, "You are NOT getting divorced! Don't you dare to do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't you dare do a thing about this. Do you hear me?" She then hangs up, at which point the father hangs up his phone, turns to his wife and says, "Okay dear, they're both coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way."
Last night, my neighbor got on his tractor and started yelling, “The end is near!!” Man, I really hate…
…living next to Farmer Geddon!
No ones been able to give me a straight answer yet