Awkward date
Why was the Tatooine IRS always going after the sand people?
Because they single file to hide their numbers.
I used to be scared of pretty girls,
So my Mom explained that was silly, because they're much more scared of me.
My grandma is in her 90’s and she still doesn’t need glasses…
She just drinks straight out of the bottle…
A television newslady is interviewing a horse that can tell whether a person is a homosexual or not. “Am I homosexual?” Asked the newslady. “Neigh,” said the horse.
The newslady turns to the camera and says, "you heard it folks. 'Straight' from the horses mouth."
Want to hear a joke about paper?
Nevermind, it's tearable.
How are your grades son?
Son: They’re underwater Dad: How are they underwater Son: They’re below C level
I went into a Chinese takeaway last night
The owner of the shop said, What do you do for a riving? I said, What do I do for a living? I'm a bit of a comedian. So the Chinese chap says, Go on then, change color. I said, No. I'm not a chameleon, I'm a comedian. So then he says, Tell me a joke, make me raff. I said, You want me to tell you a joke and make you laugh? Just then his wok caught fire, so I said, Wok. Wok. And he said, Who der?
I was robbed by 6 dwarfs today.
Not happy.
This is a Mean joke.
A physicist, an engineer, and a statistician go on a hunting trip, they are walking through the woods when they spot a deer in a clearing. The physicist calculates the distance of the target, the velocity and drop of the bullet, adjusts his rifle and fires, missing the deer 5 feet to the left. The engineer rolls his eyes. 'You forgot to account for wind. Give it here', he snatches the rifle, licks his finger and estimates the speed and direction of the wind and fires, missing the deer 5 feet to the right. Suddenly, the statistician claps his hands and yells "We got him!"
What’s the difference between Keanu and a bakery thief?
Keanu is breathtaking, the other one is breadtaking.
I hate when revolving doors move too fast
It's a pane in the ass
I like using zoom for immunology, because I can make things like this during class.
https://ift.tt/2SjV8b3
I don’t trust stairs
They are always up to something.
![It’s [A]mazing how long it takes to finish this maze.](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/52phuza4pvs21-400x224.gif)
After watching me read “War and Peace”, my son asked me, “Dad, why is the book so thick?”
Me: Well, it’s ……a long story.
I gave marijuana to a cow
The steaks were high, but it was worth it
Today I hit my son in the head with a soda can
Lucky it was a soft drink
Alabama and Lousiana here’s your chance to show America you’re not who we think you are
https://ift.tt/33jE0FJ
Geology rocks. But geography is where it’s at.
No text found
A blonde rings up an airline and asks: “How long are your flights from America to England?”
The woman on the other end of the phone replies: "Just a minute". The blonde thanks her and hangs up the phone.
Don’t try to get a career in counterfeiting.
You won't make any real money.
My doctor told me I could get a trophy from being on crutches
but all I got were smaller, weaker leg muscles.
What award did the inventor of the knock knock joke win?
The No bell prize.
I used to sell security alarms door to door, and I was really good at it.
If no one was home, I would just leave a brochure on the kitchen table.
What does a magician say when hiding a dead body?
Abracadaver!
Wife: we shouldn’t curse around the kids anymore
Dad: what should I say instead bull- Wife: Shhh!!! Say snake instead. Dad: [whispers] this is snakeshit
Call a girl beautiful 1000 times and she won’t notice.
Call her fat once and she will never forget. That’s because elephants never forget.
![[OC] I’m so sorry](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/wi5qdkkwvuv21-400x331.jpg)
