It is comparing apples to origins.
Republicans always insist on carrying a baby to full term.
Grandma's taking it pretty hard.
My wife dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed.
After 2 minutes all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence.
I saw a man in the street with a dog and a white stick. I said ‘You must be blind.’ He said ‘Yeah, tell me something I don’t know.’
So I said ‘There’s a tree over there.’
A mother is concerned that her son isn’t making enough money on his own, so she asks what he will do for a living
And he says he won't have a real job, but he has found a legal loophole to take advantage of the sketchy business practices in his city; he discovered many of the repossession companies in his city didn't fill out the proper paperwork before taking a car away. So he would buy a new car on loan and intentionally not make the payments. When the repossession company would come, he would let them take it, and then threaten to sue them in court. He would rough himself up a little bit, and the company would settle outside of court; they would pay for the car to avoid getting a negative reputation. "That's smart son, but what makes you think you'll be successful here?" "That's easy. Repo sting for car, ma!"
But I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me
Man: "Yeah… But she's got a great personality!"
He asks the first police officer he sees, "Why am I here?" "For drinking," replies the officer. "Great," says the man, "when do we start?"
Its literally made of hide.
A Sharpei 🖊
The boy sees a worm trying to crawl into an anthill. "I bet fifty bucks that I can get that worm into that anthill!" says the boy. "Your on," says the grandfather. "That worm is too wiggly." The boy runs into the house, comes back with a can of hairspray, and sprays it on the worm until the worm is as straight and stiff as a board. The old man pays his grandson fifty dollars. At dinner time, the man gives the boy another fifty dollars. "I though you already gave me my fifty bucks!" says the boy. "I did," says the grandfather. "This is from your granny."
"No" said her husband. She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top three buttons of her blouse and slowly reached down in her cleavage created by a soft, silky push-up bra and pulled out a crumpled Twenty Dollar Bill. He took the crumpled Twenty Dollar bill from her and smiled approvingly. She then asked "Have you ever seen Fifty Dollars all crumpled up?" "No I haven't" he said with an anxious tone in his voice. She gave him another sexy little smile pulled up her skirt, seductively reached into her tight, sheer panties and pulled out a crumpled Fifty Dollar bill. He took the crumpled Fifty Dollar bill and started breathing a little quicker with anticipation. "Now" she said "Have you ever seen 50,000 Dollars all crumpled up?" "No way" he said, becoming even more aroused and excited to which she replied: "Go look in the garage."
They took him into custardy
Imagine how surprised he must have been.
But I refused. If I’m going to have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.
They got all excited and asked me if I could drive a truck
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
He claims he wasn’t that much into her anyways.
In a small town, a man just opened a small store selling trumpets and guns. One day his neighbor pays him a visit and says, "So how is your strange business going?" "What do you mean strange?" "Because you sell only trumpets and guns!" "So?" "Well, let me put it this way, what do you sell the most, trumpets or guns?" "It evens itself out. Each time a customer buys a trumpet, one of his neighbors buys a gun."
And immediately received 50,000 matches!!
"thespacebuttonisbrokenonmylaptop.canyougivemeanalternative" Does anyone know what "ternative" mean?
Anyway, my dad just caught me masturbating
Can you help me with a project answering this poll with your age? https://ift.tt/2veVDKO – 12 to 17 https://ift.tt/2SwdhSb – 18 to 24 https://ift.tt/2UBOOxu – 25 to 34 https://ift.tt/2SwdiWf – 35+
In other words, his manufacturer's warranty is up.
There would be six feet between us.
By previously legalizing same-sex marriage and now Marijuana, Canada have finally interpreted the bible correctly:
Leviticus 20:13 "If a man lies with another man he should be stoned."
Then she plowed her bike straight into the cow.
Now it is Times New Ramen
I know because every time I cut one, I keep a log.