Why is women’s soccer so rare?
It’s hard finding enough women willing to wear the same outfit.
An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American…
… an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguan, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudan, a Botswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Briton, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djiboutian, a Dominican, a Dutchman, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorean, an Egyptian, an Emirian, an Englishman, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinea-Bissauan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an I-Kiribati, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Irishman, an Israeli, an Italian, an Ivorian, a Jamaican, a Japanese, a Jordanian, a Kazakhstani, a Kenyan, a Kittian and Nevisian, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz, a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Liechtensteiner, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourger, a Macedonian, a Malagasy, a Malawian, a Malaysian, a Maldivan, a Malian, a Maltese, a Marshallese, a Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Monacan, a Mongolian, a Moroccan, a Mosotho, a Motswana, a Mozambican, a Namibian, a Nauruan, a Nepalese, a New Zealander, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerian, a Nigerien, a North Korean, a Northern Irishman, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Palauan, a Palestinian, a Panamanian, a Papua New Guinean, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Pole, a Portuguese, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Lucian, a Salvadoran, a Samoan, a San Marinese, a Sao Tomean, a Saudi, a Scottish, a Senegalese, a Serbian, a Seychellois, a Sierra Leonean, a Singaporean, a Slovakian, a Slovenian, a Solomon Islander, a Somali, a South African, a South Korean, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Sudanese, a Surinamer, a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Syrian, a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a Togolese, a Tongan, a Trinidadian, a Tobagonian, a Tunisian, a Turk, a Tuvaluan, a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, a Uruguayan, a Uzbekistani, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese, a Welshman, a Yemenite, a Zambian and a Zimbabwean all go to a nightclub. The doorman stops them and says, "Sorry I can’t let you in without a Thai."
What’s the difference between the Queen of England and a computer cable?
One's a British WASP, and the other is a USB.
Dad – Hey, do you want to come over for a movie? I have already invited 17 people.
Me- Sure, but why so many people? Dad- The DVD says it is only for 18+ viewers.
Why do you sneak around in leather armor?
Because it is made of hide.
What’s the difference between yogurt and America?
If you leave yogurt alone for 200 years it develops a culture
You’re a unit of power harry
I'm a WATT?? Sorry stole it from a pornhub comment made me laugh
Old German joke
An eight-year old boy had never spoken a word. One afternoon, as he sat eating his lunch he turned to his mother and said, “The soup is cold." His astonished mother exclaimed, “Son, I’ve waited so long to hear you speak. But all these years you never said a thing. Why haven’t you spoken before?" The boy looked at her and replied, “Up until now, everything has been satisfactory."
My friend said “What rhymes with orange.”
I said no it doesn't.
People in Dubai don’t like the Flintstones…
… but people in Abu Dhabi dooooooooo!!
I hate dying
It will be the last thing I do.
How do pickles celebrate their cake day?
They relish the moment.
Trump’s parents are in trouble
They made a racist joke.
There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.
One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about. The letter read: Dear God, I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had £100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension cheque. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with. I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me? Sincerely, Edna The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few pounds. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected £96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman. The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends. Christmas came and went. A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened. It read: Dear God, How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift. By the way, there was £4 missing. I think it must have been those bastards at the Post Office !
I’m a 40 year old with the body of a 20 year old…
Any tips for burying him?
A journal goes to an insane asylum to write an article about it…
He sees all the patient milling around in one room and suddenly one yells 34!and everybody laughs. A few minutes later someone else yells 68! And everybody cracks up laughing.What are they doing? The journalist asks the directior.Well, says the direction… you see, all these people have been together for so long and they've all been telling the same jokes through the years. So now they have a numbering system down, they yell the number and everybody knows the joke and the punchline, saves then telling the whole joke over again.Try one… says the director.Alright, says the journalist and yells 22 and nobody laughs…What happened?Ehh… says the director… that joke was lame
My wife complains that I have no sense of direction
So I packed up my bags and right
I used to have three children, until an accident happened.
I now have four.
Did you hear about the Italian chef who died recently?
He pasta way.
Everyone knows it’s not socialism if you’re subsidizing people who own for a living.
https://ift.tt/2WfSFRV
The snow yeti stopped doing sas-squats and started doing sit ups.
Now he's the Abdominal Snowman.
It was the mailman’s last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift certificate envelope. At the second house they presented him with a box of fine imported cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures. At each of the houses along his route, he was met with congratulations, farewells, cards, and gifts of all types and values. At the final house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful young blonde in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door (which she closed behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where they had a most passionate liaison. Afterwards, they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "…..but what's the dollar for?" "Well," she said, "Last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you?" He said, "…Scr*w him ………give him a dollar." The blonde then blushed and said, "….But the breakfast was my idea."
This season of Earth is not realistic
So many plot holes. Like, where did the murder hornets go? Why introduce them if they're not important to the story? I'm feeling Lost.
My friend is obsessed with taking selfies in the shower, but they always turn out blurry
He has selfie steam problems.
When I heard that a cure for dyslexia had been discovered
It was like music to my arse
What do you call a dog floating in water?
A good buoy
I’ve been shrunken down to the size of a data cell and shoved into an iPod.
It would appear I'm in a bit of a jam.
They say dress for the job you want, not the job you have
My boss still didn’t think a spacesuit was “appropriate work attire”.
What did the Mexican say when the two houses fell on him?
Get off me, homes.
Why do chicken coops have two doors
If they had four they would be chicken sedans