Barbie’s a hoe fosho
Him : I’m a programmer Her : Never mindProgrammersNeverSleep
but when I do, he laughs
Leaving millions of workers nothing to do except their jobs
Flywaii (please don't down vote me too much, my 6 year old daughter made up this joke and wanted me to post it).
It's nice to have some company
Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy."The blind man replies, "If you had put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut up."
I have had a Canon printer for years.
One draws a line in the dirt and says, "If you cross this line, I'm gonna punch you!" That was the punch line.
He didn't. He used the sidewalk.
There is too much sax and violins in it
“I don’t know. Have you seen my dad glasses?”
Edit: Wow! This blew up! Thanks for the gold!
But the ground was cracking up.
It was at that point in my life i realized i was fucking nuts.
…you've waisted thyme.
I’ll be right back
That day, I was bamboozled.
The lieutenant goes first and says, "I feel that making love is 80% fun and 20% work." Then captain responded by saying, "No, I think that making love is more work than that. I would say that it is 60% fun and 40% work." Finally, the major says, "No, making love is definitely way more work than that. I would say that it is 20% fun and 80% work." They are all contemplating these revelations when a private walks by. The officers call the private over to ask his opinion. The major says, "Excuse me, private, we are having a discussion and would like your input. The lieutenant says that making love is 80% fun and 20% work. The captain says that making love is 60% fun and 40% work. I say that making love is 20% fun and 80% work. Private, what is your opinion?" The private says, "Well sir, you are all wrong. Making love must be 100% fun, because if there was any work involved, you would have me do it.
The pupils. They dilate
Because they prefer the shingle life!
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But some people eat that shit up.
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I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey