Basically what happened.
He saw the salad dressing.
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Well she’s a real Paige Turner
and not using commas.
This is partially due to the fact that most humans don't like the taste of monkey.
A Soviet army is walking through a finnish field in 1939 during the winter war. Suddenly a voice yells at the other side of a hill.
The voice says: "one finnish soldier is equal to ten soviets" The soviet commander sends ten soldiers to the hill. They hear gunfire, then silence. Soon the same voice yells again: "One finnish soldier is equal to a hundred soviets!" Angry soviet commander sends a hundred soldiers to the hill. They hear gunfire and screans followed by a longer silence. Soon again the same voice yells: "One finnish soldier is equal to a thousand soviets!" Now furious, the soviet commander sends a thousand soldiers and a tank to the hill. They hear even more gunfire and explosions. Then silence. One heavily wounded soviet soldiers crawls from the hill and yells: "Commander! Dont send any more troops, its a trap! Theres two of them!" (I know this joke is super old but idgaf)
I don’t think I can ever repay you.
H2O. What's on the outside of the hydrant? K9P
Tell a woman she's fat once and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.
Turns out two heads are better than one.
Me: Floors are beneath me.
I said, "you're full of crap"
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The man asks, “And how would you do that?” The woman says, “Just wait and see.” She then hangs upside down from the ceiling. The boss comes in and asks, “What are you doing?” The woman replies, “I’m a light bulb.” The boss then says, “You’ve been working so much that you’ve gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off.” The man starts to follow her and the boss says, “Where are you going?” The man says, “I’m going home, too. How am I supposed to work in the dark?”
If it sinks, it's a girl ant. If it floats…
The secret service isn’t allowed to yell “Get down!” anymore when the president is about to be attacked.
Now they have to yell, “Donald, duck!”
I am now independent.
Don’t worry about him. He’s just a product of our times.
The second time was a big let down!!!
It’s due to inflation
Me: If humans lose the ability to hear high frequency volumes as they get older, can my 4 week old son hear a dog whistle?
Doctor: No, humans can never hear that high of a frequency no matter what age they are. Me: Trick question… dogs can't whistle.
One goldfish looks at the other and says: "Hey man, how the hell do you drive this thing?"
Just one, but the lightbulb has to want to change.
The thief made a clean getaway
…it made a bolt for the door.
Be prepared for the reaper cushions.
Because to construct them, you need to install windows
She seemed surprised
As I was standing there, I noticed four grave diggers walking about with a coffin. Three hours later and they’re still walking about with it. I thought to myself, “They’ve lost the plot.”