Basically what he’s saying.
That could do it.
ip add 192.168.1.1 255.255.255.0
What did the 0 say to the 8 ?
I’ve just been reading that, by law, you have to turn your headlights on when it’s raining in Sweden and I’m thinking…
"Who's going to let me know when it's raining in Sweden?"
We were going to have chicken for supper, but ended up having rabbit.
It was a game changer.
Phone bad egg good
When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it…
The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate. When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards." He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling." So the magistrate kept listening, "There's the Seventh… the Sixth… the Fifth…" Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate. He stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."
It be like that
I accidently sprayed deodorant in my mouth today
Now when I talk I have this weird axe scent
Daddy’s Little Puppet
Staring at the Floor
Free Baby Boomer Detective Stories!
Wife bad. Wife die. Funny.
Pilot left his microphone on.
After take off pilot accidentally left his microphone on and said to his Co pilot ' Now I just want a cup of coffee and a blowjob'. An air hostess ran to tell him to switch off his microphone. When someone from the passengers shouted 'He asked for a cup of coffee too'.
When collaborating on a Word doc goes wrong…
Especially if collaborators don’t stick with the format.https://ift.tt/2Ew0T1o
Sh*t on a salad bar.
A bartender is sitting behind his bar when a well dressed but obviously drunk man stumbles in.
"Bartender! A drink for everyone, a drink for me, and a drink for yourself!" The man yells as he approaches. The bartender pours all the drinks, the whole bar cheers, they all drink. The bartender hands the bill to the man, and he just shrugs and says, "Oh I didn't bring my wallet with me tonight, sorry." The bartender proceeds to beat the living daylights out of the man and throws him out. The next night, the bartender is again behind his bar when the same well dressed but intoxicated man stumbles in. "Bartender! A drink for everyone, a drink for me, and a drink for yourself!" The man happily announces as he approaches. The bartender thinks, "This guy cant be that stupid, he probably came to pay. Now I feel bad for beating him so hard last night." He pours all the drinks, the the whole bar cheers, they all drink. Bartender hands the bill to the man, and he again shrugs and says, "Oh I didn't bring my wallet with me again, sorry." The bartender proceeds to beat the man even harder and kicks him out. Third night in a row, the bartender just cant believe his eyes when he sees the man return. "Bartender! A drink for everyone, and a drink for me!" The man calls out as he approaches. The bartender is fuming and grins sardonically, "What, no drink for ME tonight?" The drunk looks at him and says, "Nah man, you get way too violent when you drink."
*laughs in spyware*
Hope he gets his owl back
Never challenge Death to a pillow fight.
Unless you’re prepared to handle the reaper cushions.
Who would win?
Mother Superior had to crack down on sisters wearing perfume in the convent.
She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.
That’s a good idea!
Lightbulbs do not make good meals.
But they're good for a light snack.
Because one of them is just completely unacceptable.
“You’ve been naughty, you’re getting shit!”
last time i had folders like this was WW3
Stop it! Get some help
Please. Donate Today!
Shooter vs terrorist
Yesterday, a beautiful girl asked me whether I wanted to watch a movie. She said, “What do you want to see?”
Me: You pick. Her: You pick. Me: I don’t care which movie. You pick. Her: Sir, there are people behind you in line waiting to buy tickets.
Did you know you should always take an extra pair of pants golfing?
Just in case you get a hole in one.
Did you hear Mike Tyson was just arrested for nearly beating a Pizza Hut waitress to death?
As he was finishing eating, she asked "Hey, mister, you wanna box for the rest of your pizza?"
Trump and Leadership
Hours of Stackoverflow browsing wasted.
I love the Facebook compression. It always make the picture look nicer
Protest sign in Australia
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving
But you do need one to go skydiving twice
T E E T H
Did you hear about the guy who was obsessed with buying condos?
He had an apartment complex.
The facts VS Donald Trump
Wife talking = bad
I’m in this picture and I don’t like it
Oh yeah, but let’s keep blaming “The Establishment”
You know what they say about a guy with big feet
They say "Sorry sir we don't have your shoe size"
I always liked him better than Alex Smith.
I owe my degree to Wikipedia
I left work and a cop followed me home for my entire 50 minute commute then ticketed me in my own driveway.
He approached me after I had parked in my driveway and asked if I knew why he was writing me a ticket. I told him I had no idea what I had done wrong. He said that he followed me for my entire commute and not once did I get in an accident. He fined me for wreck-less driving.
distance raptor over time raptor equals…
VELOCIRAPTOR -heehee physics jokes
3 Condoms – NSFW
Guy goes to the pharmacy to buy a condom. His girlfriend told him she would not have sex with him unless he first met her family and has dinner with them. Pharmacist at counter: " just one condom? You sure?" Guy: "actually, my girlfriend's sister is pretty hot…lets make it two condoms." Pharmacist: "just two then? That's it?" Guy: "let's make it three. The mom is really hot too." That night he goes to dinner and her whole family is there. He sits at the table not saying a word, his face red as a tomato. His girlfriend takes him in the bedroom after they eat. Girlfriend: "what's wrong with you? You didn't say a word all night. Did something happen?" Guy: "no, I just didn't know your dad worked at the pharmacy."
Wish he were this mad about Flint’s water
Translate: Come on dear se how they cheer you.
Put a load in the dishwasher earlier
My wife prefers to call it intercourse
Two men walk into a bar. One man orders H2O. The other says,”I’ll have H2O, too.”
The second man dies. That's why you shouldn't repost.
This Is So Accurate. MAGIC.
My daughter wanted a bouncy castle for her birthday. The guy said the rental was $50, and the set-up fee was $1000 dollars.
I said, “That’s outrageous!” He just shrugged and said, “That’s inflation for you.”
Why doesn’t 7 have any frends?
This is actually funny ngl
I like to gaslight myself
The behaviour of sound is fascinating