Dress her up as a choir boy.
But no, it only made him more sluggish.
Me: Are you kidding?? Her: Technically, Yes.
Husband : emphatic no, five letters Wife : never H : pistol, three letters W : gun H : disgust, three letters W : ugh H : charity, four letters W : give H : female sheep, three letters W : ewe H : Pixar movie, two letters W : Up
Magician: Looking at pear “You’re ugly!”
That was quite a rude awakening.
denim denim denim
Due to unforeseen circumstances
All I keep getting are scientific articles.
But my computer teacher told me 0 != 1
Hold on, it's 900. Edit: No, wait, it's 500.
My ex-girlfriend used to give me nicknames whilst giving me head. "The Impaler" was my favourite. Well, at least, that's what I thought she said…. Turns out she's asthmatic and it's my fault she died.
I have contacts.
Because no one can spot him
A tattoo parlour in my neighborhood is offering a free tattoo to anyone who would flash their boobs.
It’s their Tit for Tat special.
I have no idea who let her into my office.
Clothes, but no cigar.
One snatches your watch and the other one watches your snatch.
Those jokes are a decade old now!
The closer you get to the butt the more intense the flavor.
Me: Super easy. It was right next to the potatoes.
In the end I had to call it a day..
"Hey Adam, I have two new organs for you," said god "What are they?" Adam Replied "Well," said God, "We have a brain, which will let you make intelligent decisions and hold conversations with Eve." "That's Great!" Adam said, "What's the other one?" "That would be a penis," God replied, "It will let you make offspring to populate the Earth. However, there is one downside." Adam asked, "What is it?" "Well, I only have enough blood to let you use one at a time."
Its literally made of hide.
But cocaine is where I draw the line.
A woman starts dating a doctor. Before too long, she becomes pregnant and they don’t know what to do.
About nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection. The doctor says to the woman, “I know what we’ll do. After I’ve operated on the priest, I’ll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle.” “Do you think it will work?” she asks the doctor. “It’s worth a try,” he says. So the doctor delivers the baby and then operates on the priest. After the operation he goes in to the priest and says, “Father, you’re not going to believe this.” “What?” says the priest. “What happened?” “You gave birth to a child.” “But that’s impossible!” “I just did the operation,” insists the doctor. “It’s a miracle! Here’s your baby.” About fifteen years go by, and the priest realizes that he must tell his son the truth. One day he sits the boy down and says, “Son, I have something to tell you. I’m not your father.” The son says, “What do you mean, you’re not my father?” The priest replies, “I’m your mother. The archbishop is your father.”
I asked my 18 siblings and they don’t know either.
He opens the suitcase and inside are three foxes. So he calles emergency services and says "I just found three foxes in a suitcase. What should I do?" "Well," the operator said, "Are they moving?" "I don't know," he said, "But that would explain the suitcase."
It was SpaceXXX.
It's fine, he woke up.
But not if you die late.
My toe hurts but The Opera Director Next door was very impressed
I told her good idea, we can cover more ground that way.
And that was just the first guy
Because I wore the wrong socks today.