Be careful if you decide to breed rabbits

With an itheberg.

Boss was a clown

With an itheberg

They didn't know each other before the shipwreck, but he did know who she was… At the beginning it was hard, but as time passed, this guy learnt how to provide food and shelter, he started taking care of her, and eventually she started caring about him… after all, there wasn't anybody else in the island… He eventually built a cabin, had a functioning automatic potable water supply, and all sorts of little clever commodities, all done to make her life easier… it was the most effort any man had ever done for her, and all the hard work made him fit, she noticed this… One night after some wildlife attacked and he defended her successfully, getting a few cuts in the process, she threw herself at him and they made love, after that, they where for all intents and purposes a couple with an above regular sex life. But for some reason he started drifting away, something was bothering him. And she noticed… "What's wrong?" Scarlett Johansson asked, "Nothing…" the guy would say… She pestered him for a while eventually saying she would do ANYTHING he needed or wanted to make him feel good again, just because she really cared for him a lot, and even if he wasn't asking, she felt it was the least she owed it to him… "Really?, you'll do anything I'd like?" "yes" she said "anything!" "ok, first i want you to take off you toga and get into this pair of work jeans that somehow washed on the shore" "ok…" "now put this shirt on please, but first, "tape" your boobs so they are flat" "wha… ok, I'd say I'd do anything" she said lovingly. "ok, now, take this hat and wear it, but tuck your hair under it" She was kinda confused, but non the less, she wanted to make him happy, so she tucked her hair under the hat. "Now id like for you to grab this piece of soot and paint yourself a beard and a mustache" "ok… if this is what you want…" she muttered. "now, please, put on these sunglasses, and start walking down the beach I'll catch up to you in a bit", he said a bit excited… She started walking… wondering… doubting herself… just confused about what had just happened, maybe it wasn't her, maybe it was h… suddenly the guy grabs her by her shoulder turns her around and says: "DUDE!!! you won't believe who I've been fucking for the past 6 months!"

Because they can't even.

After honeymoon they throw a party celebrating their marriage… After a few drinks, billionaire's friends want to know the secret of how he landed 25 yo hottie.. "It's simple" billionaire boasts… "I faked my age" "Yes, but even for a 40/45 years old guy…she is sensational, what age btw did you tell you are?" A friend asks. With a smile on his lips billionaire responds "85 years old"

It was the best dam program I've ever seen

A Dictater.

The odds were against me.

I’m a faux pa

For hispanic attacks

Bus driver. If you thought I was going to say "nun" you were probably surprised.

But I never got a straight answer

I decided to give it a shot.

It was two tired

A sign says, “Feed the elephant a bun to get your age” The little boy gives the elephant a bun and it stomps it’s foot 6 times. “Wow” says the boy, “That’s right I am 6, you have a go dad!” The Irish chap gives the elephant a bun… A moment later the elephant farts and stomps twice… “Bajaysus that’s right” said the father, “I am farty two!”

Honestly, I should have seen the signs.

He usually laughs.

De brie everywhere.

"Usually to avoid answering questions like these," I replied.

The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time. The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return. Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them, “The first one who can use the words “liver” and “cheese” together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me.” The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says “I love liver and cheese.” “Oh, how childish,” said the Poodle, “That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever.” She turned to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and said “How well can you do?” “Ummmm…I HATE liver and cheese,” blurts the Golden Retriever. “My, my,” said the Poodle, “I guess it’s hopeless. That’s just as dumb as the Lab’s sentence.” She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, “How about you, little guy?” The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in fame and finesse, is the chihuahua. He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says, “Liver alone, cheese mine."

Prov-Alone

But I'm just stuck here holding my rod

Erotic is when you use a feather, kinky is when you use the whole chicken.

Sylvester Stallone says, "Guys, we should make a movie with the three of us, but I'm all out of ideas at the moment, I'm kind of bored with the standard action flicks." Chuck says, "Guys, I'm bored of doing action movies too and I've got some ideas but you may not like them." Sylvester says, "Let us hear it." So Chuck continues, "All right, this may sound silly, but I was actually thinking about doing a movie on great classical composers." That's when Arnold throws himself in the conversation and says, "That sounds like a great idea! Sylvester, you can be Mozart, and Chuck can be Beethoven!" "And who will you be, Arnold?" "I'll be Bach."

It is Excel Lent.

They both have to pass the bar.

But does anyone know where the Minneapolis?

A couple of guys are at the bar. First guy says to his buddy, "My wife just admitted to me that she's having an affair with Bob the mailman." "What?" says his buddy. "That fat ugly fucker I see every morning outside your house?" "That's right," says the first guy. "Jesus," says his buddy. "Why would Bob the mailman want to fuck that?"

And that’s Chris Brown

A hippo is very heavy and a Zippo is a little lighter.

We must build taller schools

50 cent ft. Nickelback

I would call them missile toes. Have a Merry Christmas and happy holidays!

1. 2. 3.

The boy said, "Madam, I should be in Grade 4. I am smarter than my sister & she's in Grade 4". The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal. The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Grade 4. Principal: What is 3+3? Boy: 6. Principal: 6+6. Boy: 12. The boy got all the questions right. The principal told the Madam to send the boy to Grade 4 immediately. The Madam decided to ask her own questions and the principal agreed. Madam: What does a cow have 4 of that I have only 2? Boy: Legs. Madam: What is in your trousers that I don't have? Boy: Pockets. Madam: What starts wit a C and ends with T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid? Boy: Coconut. Madam: What goes in hard & then comes out soft & sticky? The principal's eyes opened really wide, but before he could stop the answer, the boy was taking charge Boy: Bubble gum. Madam: You stick your pole inside me. You tie me down to get me up, I get wet before you do. Boy: Tent. The principal was looking restless. Madam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you are bored. The best man always has me first?. Boy: Wedding ring. Madam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good? Boy: Nose. Madam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates, I come with a quiver. Boy: Arrow. Principal: OH MY GOD. Madam: What starts with 'F' and ends wit a 'K' and if you don't get it, you have to use your hand? Boy: Fork. Madam: What is it that all men have, it's longer in some men than others, the Pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after marriage? Boy: Surname. Principal: Ohooo! Madam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles with a lot of veins like pumpkin and is responsible for making love? Boy: Heart. Principal: Eeeeeh! The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the Madam, "Send this bloody boy to the university. I myself got all the answers wrong!"

As the patrons start exiting the bar at closing time, he sees one guy who seems particularly drunk. The cop watches intently as this guy stumbles off the curb, trips over his own feet and tries his car keys on 4 different cars before ultimately finding his own. Once he finally finds his car and gets in, the man spends another couple minutes fumbling around with his keys in the front seat before finally getting the car started. At this point, all the other patrons have already left the bar and drove off. The cop, waiting for the guy to pull out of the parking lot, pulls him over right afterward. Since he’s seen enough already, the cop makes the guy take a breathalyzer right off. The guy obliges, takes the breathalyzer test and looks on at an incredulous cop now looking at a result of 0.0. Astounded, the cop demands to know how that’s possible after what he’s just seen. “Oh that,” the man says. “Well, tonight’s my night to be the Designated Decoy.”

It’s true. I saw it with my own eyes.

It's a cover version.

It was mother fucking gold