Bear Pause
They told me I’d never be good at poetry because I’m dyslexic.
But so far I've made 3 jugs and a vase and they're lovely.
I’ve been involved in a number of integrations, both as a leader and a follower
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My first time using an elevator was an uplifting experience.
The second time let me down
I like using zoom for immunology, because I can make things like this during class.
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“I can’t believe that you’ve been visiting prostitutes for sex,” my wife screamed at me. “I’m really disappointed.”
“You can hardly blame me,” I answered. “It’s not like I was getting any from you.” “Well that’s your fault,” she replied. “You never told me you were willing to pay for it.”
Republican’s ultimate alpha-male. More paranoid than a Kardashian of ruining his makeup.
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Why did the cows return to the marijuana field?
It was the pot calling the cattle back.
To be Frank, I’d have to change my name.
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A drumset is a very deep instrument
It's full of cymballism.
The coach grimaced as he watched his young ice hockey team. At one point during the game, he called one of his 7-year-old players aside and asked, “Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?” The little boy nodded affirmatively…
"Do you understand that what matters is not whether we win or lose, but how we play together as a team?" The little boy nodded once more. "So…" the coach continued. "I'm sure you know that when a penalty is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the referee, or call him a pecker-head. Do you understand all that?" Again the little boy nodded. He continued, "And when I call you off the ice so that another boy gets a chance to play, it's not good sportsmanship to call your coach a dumb asshole, is it?" The little boy nodded yet again. "Good." said the coach. "Now go over there and explain all that to your mother."
I was sitting drinking coffee in my slippers this morning, when I thought to myself…
I really need to wash some mugs.
I saw a cannibal at the nursing home the other day, he was walking around making fun of all the residents. I realized then that I actually had something in common with him.
I too find vegetables to be tastier if I roast them first.
I was gonna give archery a shot
But theres too many drawbacks Edit: Heckin thanks for the platinum!!!
My wife told me to stop doing my flamingo impression
I had to put my foot down
My dad’s a geologist, and this is the new hobby I imagine for him with all the shut downs.
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My brother came to me and said that he didn’t understand cloning
I said that makes two of us
People write “congrats” because
they don't know how to spell congrajlashins.
I don’t hate bread
I loaf it 🍞
No Kidding Only Coding, A funny satirical article on daily dilemma of an Indian Parent
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Why did the submarine captain keep a barrel of potatoes in his room?
There was nothing in the world he loved more than eyes.
A plane is full of a bunch of Redditors…
And suddenly a man starts having a heart attack. One of the flight attendants (who frequents r/AskReddit) notices this and quickly shouts: “People of the plane, we’re having an emergency! Is anyone on this plane a doctor?” Immediately, five people stand up and all say, “I’m not a doctor, but….
Dad, what does doubting mean?
Son: Dad, what does doubting mean? Dad: Hmmm… I'll give you a practical example: who do you love more? Daddy or Mommy? Son: answers without hesitation Mommy Dad: ಠ_ಠ Then go ask her! She will explain! Don't bother me I aint got no time to waste!
I hate those annoying Russian Dolls…
They're so full of themselves…
People are dying all around the world just to mess with your loser president *eye roll*
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My grandpa said that we youngsters rely on technology too much.
I replied "no, you do" and unplugged his life support.
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When the punchline becomes apparent.
How south is South Africa?
South AF
I was up all night wondering where the sun went,
but then it dawned on me.
They say to never go shopping for food when you’re hungry
but it's been a week already and I keep getting hungrier and hungrier.
