Because ordering what you like is not ok.
A woman in labor suddenly shouted, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Couldn't! Didn't! Can't!" "Don't worry," said the doc. "Those are just contractions."
Today in sex ed our teacher asked what’s the difference between a male reproductive system and the female reproductive system.
Apparently there’s a vas deferens
Then you'll all be sorry!
Professor X: "What's your power?" JK Rowling: "I can rewrite the past of fictional characters." Gay Professor X: "Interesting."
But for mathematicians, it's just right.
The zookeeper said it was bread in captivity!
A guy went to a Halloween party wearing regular clothes with his girlfriend sitting on his shoulder…..
…the host said where's your costume? The guy said I'm wearing a costume – I'm a snail. The host said you're a snail? The guy said yes, a snail, and pointed to his girlfriend and said this is Michelle.
Give it a badge and a gun
They left a little note on the windscreen that said 'Parking Fine'.
"Dad, what is a bar?" … "Dad, are you crying?"
i’m new to this subreddit 🏃🏽♀️
Dad to be:"Actually, we'd like him to keep his liver"
The difference is staggering.
Einstein, Newton, and Pascal decide to play hide-and-seek. Einstein is “It,” closes his eyes, counts to 10, and then opens them.
Pascal is nowhere to be seen. Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein, with a piece of chalk in his hand. He's sitting in a box drawn on the ground, a meter to one side. Einstein says, "Newton, you're terrible, I've found you!" Newton says, "No no, no. You've found one Newton per square meter. You've found Pascal!"
It's time for me to come clean.
Because they had a fight and 2021
That way he doesn't hit anything
but she was just pulling my leg.
But now I'm clean
I said, “I can’t be your brother and assister too.”
I had $1,000 extra in my pay last month, this month I was $1,000 short. When I reported it to payroll they asked me why I didn’t say anything when I got paid too much.
I told them, I'll tolerate one mistake but not two.
…but the heavier ones need to be delivered by crane…
“Yes, we arson.”
Until I got kicked out of the library
I refuse to be spoken to in that tone of voice.
Pun in, ten dead.
…they don't believe in me.
It was really time consuming