Bernie Sanders desperately scrambling to cover up newest breaking scandal
…for advice about enlarging her breasts. He tells her, "Every day when you get out of the shower, rub the tip of your breasts and say, "Scooby dooby doobies. I want bigger boobies." She did this every day faithfully and after several months, it worked! She grew great boobs! One morning she was running late and she was on the bus when she realized she had forgotten her morning ritual. At this point she loved her new boobs and didn't want to lose them, so right in the middle of the bus–"Scooby dooby doobies. I want bigger boobies." A guy sitting nearby asked her, "Do you go to Dr. Smith by any chance?" "Why, yes, I do. How did you know?" "Hickory dickory dock."
Followed by Batman.
No text found
I wish tinder had it too.
The therapist kindly greets the woman. "What brings you here today?" "I am absolutely terrified of random letters." says the woman. The therapist had never heard of such a phobia before. "You are?" The woman begins to scream. "Oh, I see…" The woman screams even louder.
But really it was just him putting words in my mouth.
I just don't see it myself
In a dad-a-base
Because one more bean would be too farty.
She is literally kidding.
But, baby, it’s cold outside!
Now I can look back and laugh.
It was a real pain in the ass finding it.
Oscillating ones cool the room much better.
He wanted to keep things brief.
I was cleaning out my closet and found an old pair of jeans on the top shelf. Inside of them was a huge rubber penis. I showed my wife what I found and asked for an explanation.
She said, “Honey, you know I never lie. This way, when I tell you that you have a huge cock in your pants, I’m not lying.”
Their funny bone has groan up so theyre more humerus
But John came fifth, and won a toaster.
She’s in for a rude awakening.
Boudreaux was called up to the Louisiana National Guard. Because he was a smooth talker the CO put him in charge of explaining benefits to new recruits.
After a week the CO noticed Boudreaux had a 100% sign up rate for supplemental insurance. Impressed, the CO sits in on one of Boudreaux’s sessions. “If you boys goes to Afghanistan and you gets yoself kilt, the gubmint pays you benefishary $50,000. But if you gets the supplemental insurance, which only cost tirty dollas a month, the gubmint pays you benefishary $400,000.” “Now, which group you tink the gubmint gonna send to Afghanistan first?”
I said, "People who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer!"
I failed a health and safety course yesterday. One of the questions was ‘in the event of a fire, what steps would you take?’
‘Large ones’ was apparently the wrong answer.
and not a pop quiz?
The second one’s a repost.
It only feels like a maternity!
I had a sex toy business that specialized in gold plated butt plugs. One day I got a cease and desist letter from Apple. Apparently they hold the patent on overpriced shit for assholes.
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
So I packed my stuff and right.
He was under a tack