Best ad ever
They're both cauldron
Cop looking for a bunch of hardened criminals.
Police: You are under arrest! Me: Why? Police: Because you transport 6 people at once on a single motorcycle. Me: Did you say six? Police: that is correct, six! Me: Damn it, we have lost Chantal.
But I feel like I'm hitting a wall
A sign out front reads, "Convert to Catholicism, get $20." The first Jew keeps walking, but soon notices his friend has stopped to take a closer look at the sign. "You're not actually thinking about doing that, are you?" he asks his friend. The second Jew turns back and says, "I don't know, twenty dollars is twenty dollars." He goes inside the Church, and comes back out about thirty minutes later. "So," says the first Jew, "did you get the twenty dollars?" The second Jew turns to his friend and says, "Oy, is that all you people think about?"
I told her she was starting to sound like my wife
The head nun tells the two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes.
So the one nun says to the other, "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door. That way we won’t get paint on our clothes and can move more freely to get the job done faster. So they do this, and begin painting their room. Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, "Who is it?" "Blind man!" The nuns look at each other, then one nun says, "He's blind, he can't see. What could it hurt." They let him in. The blind man walks in and says, "Hey, nice t*ts. Where do you want me to hang the blinds?"
The porn industry can go fu*k themselves for all i care
The word "ma" can mean either "mother" or "horse", depending on the tone you use. This can get you into all sorts of embarrassing situations. Like the time I inadvertently asked a man if it was okay to fuck his mother.
Guess who came crawling back
Because you can’t C in the dark.
Whoever fucked this up should be stabbed! Edit: Thank you everyone for the awards!
The Australians. They asked you to take a “proper gander over there”
The one whose sack reads "Idaho"
I would like to take this time to discuss the thought experiment of Schrödinger’s Homo. You all have probably heard of Schrödinger’s Cat, as well as people saying “no homo” after a seemingly homosexual type of interaction. I believe there is a problem in this philosophy. If you do not think, or say anything that implies the existence of there being homo, then therefore, we do not know if there is homo in the situation. However, by saying “no homo”, you immediately imply the possible existence of homo in the situation, and therefore, there is homo and you have ruined the entire situation. Therefore by saying “no homo” it does actually mean that it is homo.
It was very time consuming, especially when i went back for seconds
The mirror: you should see yourself right now The echo: meh, I've heard it all before.
“Hey remember when we were kids and use to finish each other’s sentences?”
No one knows. But the road will have his vengeance.
It was just collecting dust
So they called it a day.
'Thankfully the looters took nothing but two iPhones' the store's associate manager said.
Because, it has two shifts.
Deep down they're really good people
Then you’ll get a, “Super Cali-Flagger Dipstick Expert Diagnosis!"
My wife prefers to call it intercourse