I was gonna give archery a shot
But there’s too many drawbacks
I hear in Africa they tried an experiment where they blessed the rains
It was a Toto failure.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said:
You know, one would have been enough.
Naked painting
The head nun tells the two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes. So the one nun says to the other, "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door." So they do this, and begin painting their room. Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, "Who is it?" "Blind man!" The nuns look at each other, then one nun says, "He's blind, he can't see. What could it hurt." They let him in. The blind man walks in and says, "Hey, nice tits. Where do you want me to hang the blinds?"
Don’t use beefstew as a computer password
It's not stroganoff
Teacher,” Tell me a sentence that starts with an ‘I’.”
Student: I is the…. Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an 'I'. Always put 'am' after an 'I'. Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
Whilst having sex I suddenly stopped & didn’t move
Wife said 'What are you doing?" I said I've seen this online it's called buffering
What do you call a pen that isn’t moving?
Stationary.
All I got for Christmas was a pack of sticky cards.
It was difficult to deal with.
Did you hear about the guy who invented the door knocker?
He won the no-bell prize.
I was applying for Australian citizenship, the interviewer asked, “Do you have a criminal record?”
I said, “No. Is that still required?”
I wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift.
But I couldn't find a manual.
ation.
https://www.reddit.com/r/dadjokes/comments/ap9gqf/i_have_a_phd_in_procrastin/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app
My interviewer asked if I could preform under pressure.
I said no, but I can do a good Bohemian Rhapsody
Last night I went to a Christian themed restaurant called “The Lord Giveth”.
They also do take away.
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows
I’m reading a horror book written in braille.
Something bad is going to happen. I can feel it.
16 Sodium atoms walk into a bar followed by Batman.
No text found
I tried to explain my 4-year-old son that it’s perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants,
but he's still making fun of me.
Oops.. I just broke two of my dad’s old Queen records
Now I want to break three
Comic Sans walks into a bar. “Get out of here!” Shouts the bartender…
…”we don’t serve your type!”
How do you make a water bed more bouncy?
Add spring water.
What do you call a mislabeled orange juice container?
Pulp fiction.
Two dyslexics walk into a bra
No text found
My friend drowned in a vat of varnish. He had a terrible end,
but a lovely finish.