Bet it’s forgotten in 3 months.
Battle royale with cheese.
“My roof has disappeared”
I keep it scattered on beaches all over…
We're telling them tomorrow.
They each got 6 months
But I called her Bluff…
I’m clean now!
She said because Russian porn gets me Soviet
Student: I is the…. Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an 'I'. Always put 'am' after an 'I'. Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
Your mom is so fat that, a group of people started believing that your mom is actually flat. [EDIT] OMG, thanks for the Platinum Wow, thanks for the support guys
A lady had lost her husband almost four years ago. Her daughter was constantly calling her to get back into the dating world. Finally, she said she’d go out, but didn’t know anyone. Her daughter immediately replied, “Mom, I have someone for you to meet!”
Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after dating for six weeks, he asked her to join him for a weekend in Spain. Their first night there, she undressed as he did. There she stood nude, except for a pair of black panties, he in his birthday suit. Looking her over, he asked, "Why the black panties?" She replied "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still mourning." He knew he was not going to get lucky that night. The following night was the same, she stood there wearing the black panties and he was in his birthday suit but now he was wearing a black condom. She looked at him and asked, "What's with the black condom?" He replied, "I want to offer my deepest condolences."
I hope you're happy.
but I need to think it, over.
Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each…
The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them. The man bought thousands at $10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would now buy at $20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again. Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer increased to $25 each and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it! The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him. In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers; "Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell them to him for $50 each." The villagers rounded up with all their savings and bought all the monkeys. They never saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere! Now you have a better understanding of how the cryptocurrency market works.
It's about time
Luckily for me, catscan
I lost my case
His Captain yells, "Good Lord Corporal! What happened to you?" "Well Captain", he says, wiping blood from his face, "I was out on watch, and I looked across the road. And I saw this Russian soldier, real big bastard. And I looked at him, and he looked at me. So I started walking towards him, and he starting walking towards me. And we met in the middle of the road." "And I said to him 'Putin is an evil, murdering, election cheating tyrant!" "And he said to me, 'Trump is retarded, lying, spoiled rotten little baby!" "While we were standing there shaking hands, we got hit by a truck."
they're fried in Greece.
No shit Sherlock
batman: check the battery robin: whats a tery?
If you don't get it, it's because it's an inside joke.
… I can't wait to see them all.
Husband: “Ok… but I talk a lot of shit when I’m high”
Then it hit me.
Little Emily went home from school and told her mum that the boys kept asking her to do cartwheels because she’s very good at them. Mum said, “You should say “No”, they only want to look at your knickers.”
Emily said, "I know they do. That's why I hide them in my bag"!
“Rabbi, I brought him up in the faith, gave him a very expensive Bar Mitzvah and it cost me a fortune to educate him. Then he tells me last week, he’s decided to be a Christian. Rabbi, where did I go wrong?” The rabbi strokes his beard and says, “Funny you should come to me. I too, brought up my son as a boy of faith, sent him to university and it cost me a fortune and then one day he comes to me and tells me he wants to be a Christian.” “What did you do?” asked the man of the rabbi. “I turned to God for the answer,” replied the rabbi. “What did he say?” asked the man. He said, “Funny you should come to me…”
Then say : now you are super angry! She might laugh.. you might die.