Big :/ hours
They're too possessive.
The Officer: "You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone." Man: "No sir, I was going 60." Wife: "Oh, Harry. You were going 80." Officer: "I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light." Man: "Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!" Wife: "Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks." Officer: "I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt." Man: "Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car." Wife: "Oh, Harry, you never wear your seat belt." Man turns to his wife and yells: "Shut your damn mouth!" Officer turns to the woman and asks, "Ma'am, does your husband talk to you this way all the time?" Wife: "No, only when he's drunk."
Burnadebt (Just thought of this and I gotta admit…I'm a little bit proud of myself.)
I’m not joking, but he is.
… so they can beat the crowds!
A Four-chin teller.
Plagiarism. I just made up that word.
She said, "Yes, the others were at least sevens or eights".
A very sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wants her vaginal lips reduced in size because they were flapping in the breeze. Out of embarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept a secret and the surgeon agreed. Awakening from the anesthesia after the surgery she found three roses carefully placed beside her on the bed. Outraged, she immediately calls in the doctor. "I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!" The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality and that the first rose was from him: "I felt sad because you went through this all by yourself." "The second rose is from my nurse. She assisted me in the surgery and empathized because she had had the same procedure done some time ago." "And what about the third rose?" she asked. "Oh, that rose is from a man upstairs in the burn unit. He wanted to thank you for his new ears."
One bales her hay and the other hails her bae
But this is as close as I could get
No text found
Usain bolt can finish a race
Two cannibals giving eachother a blowjob
A boy scout says to his scout leader, “Sir, is this snake poisonous?” The scout leader says, “No, that snake’s not poisonous at all.” So the boy picks up the snake, which bites him and the boy starts to spasm and foam at the mouth as the other kids look on in horror!
The scout leader says, "But that snake is venomous. Poison is ingested or absorbed, while venom is injected. Let's get it right next time, boys."
Still can't believe it
Even their cakes are in tiers.
I said maybe.
Because it got stuck in a crack
He was just fulfilling his civic doodie.
Give me a second I'm still working on it.
It was hard to differentiate between them.
Now they have to yell "Donald, Duck!"
He was a neck romancer.
A frightened man runs into the KGB offices. “My talking parrot has disappeared!” He yells at the receptionist. “That’s not the type of case we handle, go to the criminal police” she responds. “I know that,” he stammers “I just wanted to tell you officially that I disagree with everything the parrot says!”
"Can Ireland my spaceship on the moon"
I'd have to change my name
It just sits there and collects dust.
I don't listen and something else…
Because its made of hide
I thought to myself "well I can't turn that down!"
I would tell you, but it’s a little condescending.