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I called work this morning and whispered, “Sorry boss, I can’t come in today. I have a wee cough.” He exclaimed, “You have a wee cough!?”
I said, "Really?! Thanks boss, see you next week!"
I donate two kidneys, they called me a hero. But for some strange reason, when I donated three kidneys, they called the police.
The police officer said “Hello gentleman, we are looking for two child molesters” the two priests talk quietly to them selves for a moment the turn the the officer and one of them says “Alright Officer we will do it!”
Police Let It Go With A Warning
He's got 2020 vision.
He goes undercover
A look over the shoulder.
I was walking down main street and there was a homeless man with a signt hat said “1 dollar for dirty joke.”
Seemed like a good investment to me so I gladly handed over a dollar. Homeless man: “Alright sir whats your name? Me: “Username-valid ” Homeless man: “So username-valid, there is black rooster alright? How many legs does that chicken have” Me: “two?” Homeless man: “Right, now how many wings this black rooster got?” Me: “two?” Homeless man: “Right, now how many eyes this black rooster got?” Me: “two?” Homeless man: “Right again, now there is this white cat walking around how many hairs are on that white cat?" Me: “I don’t know? A lot?” Homeless man: “Well username-valid, why do you know so much about black cock and not enough about white pussy.”
With 2-in-1 shampoo.
"Will you mirror me?" She was speechless.
How do I get rid of it?
I'm open to suggestion.
The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
I know because every time I cut one, I keep a log.
So I packed up my stuff and right.
So I gave her two Popeye's biscuits and no drink.
That's an unexpected item in the Baggins area!
But then I look back on the post that I have saved from a year ago that says otherwise.
Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out you were adopted.
Mom: You want to be a WHAT? Daughter: Prostitute. Mom: Oh thank God. I thought you said Protestant.
Are you having a crisis?
I said, not sure I haven't met everyone yet. She was not amused.
So we can think of a solution in silence.
Oh wait, my bad. That wasn’t my waiter.
No text found
So I suggested Kay and Elle.