Boomer humor at it’s finest
Hopefully you won't get it.
She yells STAMPEDE!!! And threw a handful of animal crackers at me. I'm giggling like a schoolgirl.
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It May, Fri 10 you.
I, foolishly, named my daughter Daenerys before seeing how Game of Thrones ended. But you live and you learn.
Now to take a big sip of coffee, sit down with my son, Judas, and read about how things worked out for this Jesus fella.
Cause every time someone walked in I'd say "get a load of this guy"
Because they’re shellfish
Whenever someone would ask me how can I tell the difference. l said it is very easy: Jennifer always painted her nails in red and George has a dick.
They always take things literally.
He said, “Yale”. I said, “I SAID, DID YOU GO TO HARVARD?”
Me: Ok, 45 past 60. Boss: You’re fired.
Ensures that you end up in the cast…
And only a handful of Herpes cases was Clinton's
The police charged me with hummus-cide
But when it comes to relationships, they ain't fucking around.
Mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog
Icy dead people
'Cos you're breathtaking..
I just imagine Elon-Gate would be really drawn out….
I went inside to pay and saw two policemen in the store. I said "Did you guys see that woman out there?" They looked outside and suddenly darted out the door. I turn and see she caught her arm on fire. The policemen threw a blanket around her and wrestled her to the ground and put out the fire. Then they gave her a ticket! After they came inside I asked why they gave her a ticket. Turns out she didn't have a license for that firearm.
And a Czech one too. A Czech one too.
A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. "Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked. "Well, I can think of one thing," the cowboy offered. "On a trip to the Big Horn Mountains out in Wyoming, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground." I yelled, "Now, back off or I'll kick the shit out of all of you" Saint Peter was impressed, "When did this happen?" "Couple of minutes ago."
I replied, "Yes of course, that'd be 20 cows."
I have an uncle, once removed.
If it sinks, girl ant. If it floats……..boy ant.
Because their horns don’t work!
I never wanted to believe, that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home,
All the signs were there.
Flywaii (please don't down vote me too much, my 6 year old daughter made up this joke and wanted me to post it).