“So what have you done with your life?” he asks the dog. “I’ve led a very full life,” says the dog. “I lived in the Alps rescuing avalanche victims. Then I served my country in Iraq. And now I spend my days reading to the residents of a retirement home.” The guy is flabbergasted. He asks the dog’s owner, “Why on Earth would you want to get rid of an incredible dog like that?” The owner says, “Because he’s a liar! He never did any of that!”
Quick, everyone get out, this is NOT a drill!
Kid: "Is it real or fake?" Me: "Fake." Kid: "Of course, and what about the plant?"
The zookeeper told me it was bread in captivity
The local charity realized that it had never received a donation from the city’s most successful lawyer.
So a volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office. The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, 'Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community?. The lawyer thinks for a minute and says, 'First, did your research also show you that my mother is dying after a long painful illness, and she has huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?' Embarrassed, the rep mumbles, 'Uh… No, I didn't know that.' 'Secondly,' says the lawyer, 'did it show that my brother, a disabled Veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six children? The stricken rep begins to stammer an apology, but is cut off again 'Thirdly, did your research also show you that my sister's husband died in a dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three children, one of whom is disabled and another that has learning disabilities requiring an array of private tutors?' The humiliated rep, completely beaten, says, 'I'm so sorry. I had no idea. And the lawyer says, 'So, if I didn't give any money to them, what makes you think I'd give any to you?
It was the least I could do for the guy.
It's like I've never seen Her-bivore
He had loco motives
You don't hear medical students calling themselves doctors, or art students calling themselves unemployed.
They Shere Khan.
then I remembered that taste is relative.
How To Date During A Corona Virus Lock Down And Quarantine & Best Date Ideas To Do When Everything Is Shut Down.
It was a huge ore chasm.
and says, "can I have a martini please?" "Dry?" "No, just one."
Extra Karma… I hope.
No more jokes about the profit.
Mothers Against Dyslexia
Yep. It can happen.
After all, there were plenty of red flags.
Why do you think they're always Bearfoot 24/7?
He stopped at nothing to avoid them.
In 2033, we will witness the rise of "Quaranteens"
You don't find 4-layer toilet paper at McDonalds!
They are lined up for blocks.