Boomer shit + 5G meme? They’re evolving
I said BIG ONES in the opposite direction of the fire….apparently the wrong answer.
… about Chinese people and the Corona Virus. An overly sensitive and overweight female co-worker said that just because I'm Asian, doesn't mean that the joke wasn't racist… I asked her, "So if i tell a race joke, does it mean I'm a racist?" She responded, "Yes, telling a joke based on a race makes you a racist!" I then asked, "What if i told a fat joke? Would that make me a fatist?" She thought for a while before replying… "Well, yes… that would make you a fatist…" I looked at her and replied, "No, you're the fattest!"
He said, "So you know how we finish each others' sentences?"
But I think deep down they know nothing could be father from the truth.
and lowers it
A visit from the ethics committee and an immediate withdrawl of your funding.
Some people took the stairs to their rooms, and some took the elevator. Right then I realized everyone was raised differently
First thing he did when i got him home was make a bolt for the door.
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You will be mist
You run away. Turns out you can't just stop cold turkey.
You look at your X and wonder Y.
you're part of the precipitate.
Passengers: start freaking out Pilot: all of us will one day, no one knows when! Passengers: sigh with relief Pilot: but it'll probably be when we hit this mountain!!
My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman for halloween, told me that I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed.
After 2 minutes all charges were dropped due to lack of evidence.
MARIO : why Judge : it’s a fine MARIO : (sadly) no itsa not
North Koreans believe they live in the best country in the whole world, because they’re brainwashed by the government and the media…
But every American knows that America is really the best country in the world!
… nah, I shouldn’t spread it around
What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa when she looked out the window? It looks like rain, dear.
"Don't worry" said the midwife "they're just contractions"
But none of them work
I don't know why. I just took a few days off.
A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for lunch and ordered a cheeseburger, coffee and a slice of apple pie. As he was about to eat, three bikers walked in.
One grabbed the trucker's cheeseburger and took a huge bite from it. The second one drank the trucker's coffee, and the third wolfed down his apple pie. The truck driver didn't say a word as he paid the waitress and left. As the waitress walked up, one of the motorcyclists growled, "He ain't much of a man, is he?" "He's not much of a driver, either," the waitress replied. "He just backed his 18-wheeler over three motorcycles."
The rest of the letters come aughter it.
That way you're a mile away, and you have his shoes.
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"You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!" he continued. "Ah, that's nothin'," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you can't even crap anymore. You take laxatives, then you sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!" "Actually," said the 80-year-old, "80 is the worst age of all!" "Do you have trouble peeing too?" asked the 60-year-old. "No, not really. I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all." "Do you have trouble crapping?" asked the 70-year-old. "No, I crap every morning at 6:30." With great exasperation, the 60-year-old said, "Let me get this straight. You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap every morning at 6:30. So what's so tough about being 80?" "I don't wake up until 7:00"
But it was only temporary. (I see that image posts aren't allowed in this sub but gosh darn it, I earned this one. I throw myself on your mercy, mods.)
And when someone tried to take the candy from my hat i told them "My hat my candy"