Boomers + country + humor =
I was a soap addict.
But now I'm clean.
What do you call the wife of a hippie?
Mississippi
What do you call a ghost’s boobs?
Paranormal entitties.
Where does King TβChalla live?
In a Wacondo. My son and I just came up with that joke, driving past Disneyworld.
I met a Jewish girl and she asked for my number.
I told her we use names here.
“Barely legal”.
Because "almost underage" sounds a bit creepy.
I saw a giant mouse so I tried killing it with a baseball bat
So now I have a lifetime ban from Disneyland
My dad died recently.
He was in an accident and lost a lot of blood but nobody knew his blood-type. Iβll never forget his inspirational last words, βBe positiveβ.
Apparently every country got coronavirus
But China got it right off the bat
6:30 is the best time of day.
Hands down.
What’s the difference between a politician and a serial killer?
The serial killer might listen if you plead with them
My wife says she can usually tell when our baby is pooping because he’s laughing so much.
I guess he just has a self defecating sense of humor.
My wife is incredibly smart
When I called from my buddies phone she answered βhey loveβ. She already knew it was me.
If someone stole a Tesla
Would it be called an Edison?
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
In case he gets a hole in one
What’s blue and doesn’t weigh very much?
Light Blue
Whatβs a horses favorite alcoholic beverage?
Chardoneigh
Virginity in school
Son to mother: "Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I am still a virgin." Mother: "Well, start giving them bad grades and they will stop."
Anthony Fauci is giving the President his daily briefing.
He concludes by saying: ββYesterday, 300 Brazilians died of COVID.ββ ββOh no!ββ President Trump exclaims. ββThatβs terrible!ββ His staff are stunned at this uncharacteristic display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands. Finally, Trump looks up and asks: ββHow many is a brazillion?ββ
Just a warning if you’re buying a watch on Amazon.
I learned the hard way that if it says you can swim with it, this only applies if you can already swim without it.
You shuold be be able to edit titles
Edit: should
I asked my North Korean friend how it was going over there.
He says he can't complain.
My uncle named his dogs Rolex and Timex.
Theyβre his watch dogs!
Puns make me numb
Math puns make me number
What do you call a veterinarian who practices chiropracty?
An animal cracker.
Did my girlfriend find me sexually unsatisfying?
A small part of me says yes.
I told my boss that I was tired of being a human cannonball.
Then he fired me.
What do you call a teenage boy’s bedside diary?
Sticky Notes
What did Adam say to his girlfriend on December 24?
It's Christmas, Eve! Ps Merry Christmas, happy holidays etc etc to all my fellow dads and dad joke lovers π
