Boomer’s humour
A cow got into the marijuana field…
Now the steaks are high.
Most puns make me feel numb.
Math posts make me feel number.
What’s black and never works?
Decaffeinated coffee, you racist.
A man Has died, WE NEED to Pump MORE FACEBOOK into him. I don’t understand this.
https://ift.tt/35u2JYe
When I die, Iโm donating my body to science.
Itโs the only way Iโll ever get into medical school.
A man walks into his home to realize that all his lamps were stolen
He was delighted
I made my son sit through a 1 hour long PowerPoint presentation titled “The utmost importance of wearing a condom”.
All the slides were just photos of him.
“Hey honey, I’m pregnant.”
"Hi Pregnant, I'm Dad!" "No you're not."
I was having sex with my friend’s wife, the phone rang. I heard it was her husband and I quickly started to get dressed.
She told me not to worry. He was out drinking with me…
I was surprised when the coffee I ordered tasted just like mud.
The barista told me it was fresh ground.
Why can’t Ganondorf surf the web?
Cause there's too many Links
I got a really ugly looking calculator for Christmas.
But it is what is on the inside that counts.
Today I asked a girl at the gym what her new year’s resolution was
She said: To stop seeing the same joke over and over in r/jokes. Oh, and also fuck you.
A good percentage of my friends are Nazis…
0% of my friends are Nazis, and thats a good percentage.
I’ve got a meeting with the guy that invented the progress bar during the era of dialup internet. He’s going to be here in 2 hours and 13 minutes.
Edit: Apparently he's stuck in traffic and he's going to be here in 6 hours 54 minutes. Edit2: He's making better progress than thought, he will be here in 12 minutes. Edit3: Apparently it will now take him 5 days
To the person who stole my glasses, I will find you.
I have contacts.
My daughter keeps complaining that I’m too nosy
Or at least that's what I read in her diary
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner…
…you become a vacuum cleaner. And furthermore, true house cleaners aren't just born, they're maid.
Me: I’m terrified of random letters.
Therapist: you are? Me: [Screams] Therapist: I see
Why did the cannibal die of COVID-19?
Too many handshakes
My credit card company must be really proud of me
They keep telling me I have an outstanding balance
My son asked me, โDad, what is coincidence?โ
I said, โWeird. I was about to ask you the same thing.โ
The Bard’s barber often asked him if he preferred a clipper cut.
And every time, William spake "shears."
The coronavirus is a lot like a kinky sex life:
I don't mind having it, but I'm scared my parents have it too.
A son walks in on his parents having sex NSFW
The parents see the boy and he runs off to his room. The mother puts on her robe and goes into the boys room The boy ask his mother what she was doing. โYou know how daddy has a big stomach? Sometimes mummy has to get on top of daddy and flatten it.โ โYouโre wasting your timeโ says the boy. The mother confused asks โwhat do you mean?โ โWell when you go to the supermarket the woman next door comes over and blows him back up.โ