Bring our troops home
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean? Bob. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in front of the door? Matt. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a volcano? Anakin Skywalker
Not sure how I feel about that
Because everyone exclaims "woah man" when they see them
First square meal I've had in days.
…… but it just made him more sluggish!
It has me on Edge
Because they had a fight and 71.
For Hispanic Attack!
Guess that's what I get for buying a pure bread dog…
Because she kept running away from the ball
Their careers were in ruins.
I guess hezsjkfowgajqjhsjwkwlsvvcaxxacfasuoc
They always seem sketchy.
But he won't tell me.
They’re soft drinks.
A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says,“I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.” 'Dad, what are you talking about?' the son screams. “We can't stand the sight of each other any longer” the father says. “We're sick of each other and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her.” Franticly, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “Like hell they're getting divorced!” she shouts, “I'll take care of this!” She calls Scotland immediately, and screams at her father “You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow.Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up. The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. 'Sorted! They're coming for Christmas – and they're paying their own way.'
Throw him in the mainstream.
And dropped them at the same time which half won? Neither. It was a tie.
My existence is ignored except for when they need something.
She was a mathemachicken.
My girlfriend is fed up of my constant wordplay jokes, so I asked her, “How can I stop my addiction?”
"Whatever means necessary," she replied. "No it doesn't." I said.
"That trebuchet is really something. Let's get the cat!"