Building on top of legacy code
It's fucking r/aww
The stock market.
The lizard walks by, gazes at him in amazement, then asks: “Hey monkey, what are you doing up there?” “I’m smoking bud. Come up here bro, sharing is caring.” So the lizard climbs up the tree and the two smoke a few joints. The lizard isn’t really used to the effects, so he gets dehydrated after a short while… “Monkey, I’m gonna go to the river and get some water, my mouth is soooo dry… I’ll be back.” Little lizard heads to the river, but he’s so high that he stumbles and falls headfirst into the water. Luckily, the crocodile happens to be there, helps him out and asks what’s the deal. “I’m high as balls, croccy. I smoked weed with the monkey.” “Oh really? I wanna get some too.” So the crocodile goes to the monkey’s tree and greets him. “Hi monkey!” The monkey stares at the crocodile in disbelief: “Woooo… damnit lizard, how much water did you drink?”
…we'd never hear the end of it.
It was abominable!
Except for the movie Up. He's never gonna give you Up.
The just went through a grueling 31 day March.
Because Monday is a weekday…
It comes in at one end, and out the udder
The mother replies. Well, your dad and I took a little seed. We made a hole on the ground and covered it with earth. We watered it and took care of it. After some time, a plant came out of the ground and started to grow leaves. We took the leaves and smoked them and then we were so high that we fucked without a condom. And that's how you were born.
A: In case he got a hole in one.
Asians invented it, Italians spread it.
"I wonder when my prints will come…"
He was disqualified.
Anyways, I lost my job at the aquarium today.
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Because it's white and settles on their land.
Our relationship wasn't just "working out"
He looks at his sasquatch.
A man entered his home and discovered that someone had stolen every single lamp present in the house.
He was absolutely delighted.
Because Noah was standing on the deck Credit to my dad who said this 2 seconds ago
Make sure you stay after the ceremony is finished.
My neighbor is a 90 year old with alzheimer’s, I see him every morning and he asks me If I’ve seen his wife. Everyday I have to tell this poor man that his wife died 20 years ago. I could have moved to another house or even ignore his question
But the look of joy in his eyes whenever I answer him is worth the world.
Not this year though – I'm quitting cold turkey…
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time…" A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit…"
To get to the other side.
Knock, knock. Who's there? Spell. Spell who? Okay, W-H-O.
Girl 1 turned to her mother and said… Girl 1: Mommy, why is my name Lily? Mom: Because when we took you out of the Hospital, a Lily petal fell on your head. The second Daughter, now curious, asks the same question… Girl 2: Why is my name Rose? Mom: When we took you out of the Hospital, a rose petal landed onto your head This is when the 3rd daughter pipes up and says… Girl 3: AAAARRRGHFFFFJJJFSSSLLLHHH Mom: Shhhhhhh, quiet down now Cinder Block
It was udder madness
You could hear them say: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING??
but none of them seem to work.
Is sphere itself