But Biden is a rapist something something dementia something
After take off pilot accidentally left his microphone on and said to his Co pilot ' Now I just want a cup of coffee and a blowjob'. An air hostess ran to tell him to switch off his microphone. When someone from the passengers shouted 'He asked for a cup of coffee too'.
It’s not hard
“I’m thinking about tossing a $100 bill out the window and making someone very happy.” A White House aide comments, “Why don’t you throw twenty $100 bills out the window and make twenty people happy?” Another staffer jokes, “Why don’t you throw a hundred $100 bills out the window and make a hundred people happy?” A member of the plane staff, wanting to get in on the act, chimes in and says, “Why don’t you throw yourself out the window and make half the country happy?”
I might go take a gander.
"2 or 3" she replied. Probably explains why her marriage collapsed.
It was just lowercase.
Buzz lightyear = buzz 9.4605284 × 1015 meters
They saw our review. 1 star
They would call it crucifact.
Always Coming From Take Me Down
I wish I had a pony.
Assistant to the President: Sir, there’s a crisis – somehow, we only have one copy of Pixar’s Up left in existence.
President: All right, find the person who currently owns it, and have him give it to me. Assistant to the President: Well there's some bad news, sir … President: Bad news? Have him give me the DVD, I'll copy it and post it on the Internet, problem solved! Assistant to the President: Sir … President: What is the bad news? What human being could be that stingy that they wouldn't give me this movie? Assistant to the President: His name is Rick, sir. President: Rick? Assistant to the President: Rick Astley, and He's Never Gonna Give You Up.
Husband- Hi Pregnant, I am Dad. Wife- No you're not.
You should have seen the look on her face as I drove pasta.
She walked up to me, hands behind her back.. "Check it out, dad! This is really funny looking!" "What? Lemme see…" And the little shit holds up a mirror to my face, giggling her head off. Payback is a bitch, little girl….
The Grim Sleeper
Now I've got two adult knees.
But it's what's inside that counts
No wait, she's back. She just went to get coffee.
Little Johnny’s teacher asks, “George Washington not only chopped down his father’s Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Do any of you know why his father didn’t punish him?”
Little Johnny replies, "Because George was the one holding the axe?
Well, technically it’s only a murder if there’s probable caws.
We lived on an old farm. No animals, just fields. Uncle goes to the market to buy a horse, ends up spending more than expected because it's bred from some old bloke's prized stallion. Although expensive, aunt loves it. Because it's all muddy she calls it "Dirty". She was a fucked up like that. They told me, "If we ever catch you riding our fucking horse then we will beat the living shit out of you." They'd done it before so I knew they meant it. Days later, I'm messing in the fields with some old tractor tire I found. Dirty is just eating grass and shit next to me. Auntie and uncle come out every few minutes to make sure I'm not riding the horse. Get bored. Climb inside the tire. Tire starts moving (field wasn't flat). Can't stop. Auntie and uncle come outside to check on me They see me rollin' They hatin' Patrolling Trying to catch me riding Dirty
So one day, I just packed up my bags and right.
I asked, "Do you come from a LAN down under?"
A bad romance starts with a rah rah rah-ah-ah, roma roma-ma gaga ooh la la
But now I stand corrected
so I just came in my pants.
“Are you still holding the ladder!?”
Because he kisses his mother with that mouth.
…we'd never hear the end of it.
Because it’s the scenter
Oh shit thought this was google
I said, "People who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer!"