C O P
What do drugs have in common with cheese jokes?
I don't know, I just like meth and feta memes.
Why do teenage girls always walk around in odd numbered groups?
Because they can't even.
What’s the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?
One less drinker
Free Sex with Fill-Up
A petrol station owner in Dublin was trying to increase his sales, so he put up a sign that read, 'Free Sex with Fill-Up!' Paddy pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex. Paddy guessed 8, and the proprietor said, "You were close. The number was 7. Sorry. No sex this time." A week later, Paddy, along with his friend Mick, pulled in for another fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number. Paddy guessed 2. The proprietor said, "Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no free sex this time." As they were driving away, Mick said to Paddy, "I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex at all." Paddy replied, "No, no, it's genuine enough Mick. My sister won twice last week."
Stop looking at Reddit and get a piece of paper and write the second last letter of the alphabet.
If you do it you'll see why.
What is the most popular animal in Reddit?
A karmadillo.
My wife and I are finally going to visit San Francisco to see the Golden Gate in person.
Her: What are you going to do when we see it? Me: Weâll cross that bridge when we get there.
What do we want! Low flying aircraft noises!
When do we want them! Nooooooooooowwwwwwwwww
Otherwise
No text found
What do you call a wandering caveman?
A meanderthal.
Sen. Mitch McConnell Responds to Calls to Recuse Himself from Impeachment Hearings
https://ift.tt/36y8XHm
I’m glad to see Reddit is meeting its goals to become one of the greenest companies in the world.
Take the front page, it's over 90% recycled content!
When I was at the pool yesterday, I began peeing in the deep end
The lifeguard blew his whistle so hard I almost fell in
Why did no one want to marry the tennis player?
Love meant nothing to him.
Did you hear about the new restaurant in town called Karma?
There is no menu. You get what you deserve.
I saw a crying baby in a hot car today, I grabbed a rock and threw it at the window…..
Little did I know the window was rolled down… at least it stopped crying
All these people getting emails from the Prince of Nigeria, I got one from an Egyptian Pharaoh…
But it turned out to just be a pyramid scheme…
A Frenchman, and Englishman, and a Soviet are admiring a painting of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.
The Frenchman says, âThey must be French, theyâre naked and theyâre eating fruit.â The Englishman says, âClearly, theyâre English; observe how politely the women is offering fruit to the man.â The Soviet replies, âNo, they are Russian communists, of course. They have no house, nothing to wear, little to eat, and they think they are in Paradise.
A man dies and goes to hell.
The devil says he must choose a room in hell to spend the rest of eternity in. He walks into the first room and sees a bunch of people doing headstands on a wood floor. He thinks "No way. I can't do that for eternity" He walks into the second room and sees a bunch of people doing headstands on a metal floor. He thinks "I definitely can't do that for eternity" He walks into a third room where theres a bunch of people standing in 4 feet of shit and drinking coffee. He says to himself "…well I guess I could get used to the smell." After 10 minutes in the room, the devil comes in and says "Alright, coffee break's over. Back to headstands."
Just a random thought
Just a random thought
The psychic convention is cancelled
Due to unforeseen circumstances
A bodybuilder and a Blonde
The body builder takes off his shirt and the blonde says, "What a great chest you have!" He tells her, "That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, Baby." He takes off his pants and the blonde says,' "What massive calves you have!" The body builder tells her, "That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, Baby." He then removes his underwear and the blonde goes running out of the apartment screaming in fear. The body builder puts his clothes back on and chases after her. He catches up to her and asks why she ran out of the apartment like that. The blonde replies, "I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after I saw how short the fuse was!"
Did you know diarrhea is hereditary?
It runs in your Jeans.
All the comic books I inherited from my brother have their last page ripped off.
I have to draw my own conclusions.
How can you get the attention of a pervert?
Mark the post with an NSFW tag
A, B, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, & Z are all racists.. How do I know?
Because they're all not 'C's.
Give a man a gun and he’ll rob a bank.
Give a man a bank and he'll rob the world.
My friend begged me to stop singing wonderwall
I said maybe
New job
A guy goes into the US postal service to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, âAre you allergic to anything?â He replies, âYes, caffeine. I canât drink coffee.â âOK, have you ever been in the military service?â âYes,â he says, âI was in Afghanistan for one tour.â The interviewer says, âThat will give you 5 extra points toward employment.â Then he asks, âAre you disabled in any way?â The guy says, âYes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles.â The interviewer grimaces and then says, âDisabled in your countryâs service! Well that qualifies for extra bonus points. Okay.â Looking at the regulations you have got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 AM to 4:00 PM. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, and plan on starting at 10:00 AM every day.â The guy is puzzled and asks, âif the work hours are from 8:00AM to 4:00 PM, why donât you want me here until 10:00 AM?â âThis is a government job,â the interviewer says. âFor the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that.â
A nihilist, a socialist, and a neo-marxist walk into a bar and order drinks.
"We don't sell alcohol to anyone under 18", says the bartender.
If pigs could fly…
I bet their wings would taste delicious!