I was watching a documentary about how polar bears’ hands and feet have adapted to the snow when all of a sudden my TV froze. It’s okay though, it was just on paws.
Still made it to my door.
Have another one say "Bingo!"
JOB AT GOOGLE FROM UZBEKISTAN! VERY FAST!SUPPORT ME ON MY JOURNEY!https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yW4pZq_LMYQ&t=2s&ab_channel=tenten
Do. Do hash. Do hash browns. Do hash browns sound good. Do hash browns sound good.
I've heard there is 8 stories.
When the punchline is a parent.
Employee: Of course sir. Which one? Me: William.
His career is now in ruins.
There's no point
Little Johnny said, "My dad's a stripper at a gay nightclub and he turns tricks in the alley way to earn extra money." The teacher was Mortified and after class she pulls little Johnny aside and ask, "Johnny is your dad really a stripper at a gay night club?!" Little Johnny said, "No. He's a reporter for CNN but I was too ashamed to say that."
Electrician didn't get home until after 2am. His wife asked "Wire you insulate?" He replied, "Watts it to you, I'm ohm, aren't I?"
The zookeeper said it was bread in captivity!
Crows had to drink at home.
But a semi colon is not; you should see a proctologist about that.
He started counting but soon fell asleep.
It’s true. I saw it with my own eyes.
So she asks him to go see a doctor. When the men got to the hospital and explained everything the doctor said: "Pull down your pants." "W-why?" "Just do it." "O-ok." "There's the problem. You have a big penis that is pulling down your diaphragm. You will have to do a surgery to take a bit of your penis of if you want to talk normaly." "O-ok t-then." After the surgery he gets home and says: "Hello honey, what is the dinner?" "Wow you can speak normally!" "Yes just had to take of a bit of my penis." "WHAT? GO BACK TO THE HOSPITAL AND TELL THEM TO REVERT YHE SURGERY!" At the hospital the man speaks to the doctor: "My wife wants you to revert the surgery." "T-that w-will n-not b-be p-possible."
It's just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away
Now she’s a medium.
I was driving this girl to her house and told her that I wasn’t good with directions, she laugh at me…
So I just right her left there.
He wanted to raise the steaks.
Now he makes deadjokes.
One. They are efficient and not very funny
You could say I have a few Twix up my sleeve…
No text found
“Usually to avoid answering questions like these.”
19 and easy to spread
I think that something scary is about to happen, I can feel it.
Because he doesn't want to be spotted.
You can’t see in the dark
It depends on which direction the wind is blowing.
He's staying for the night and each of the girls come to him in turn to offer their hospitality. The first one tells him her name is June because she was born in June. She is well practiced in fortune telling and gives him advice on the future. The second one tells him her name is August because she was born in August. She practices medicine and gives him a complete physical. The third one tells him her name is Maple because she was born in the neighboring town. She tells him of a great treasure buried beneath the family stables. After digging for an entire night, he returns empty-handed to the house covered in dirt and animal excrement. He complains to the wise man about Maple's deception. The wise man replies "oh you must have met April. April fools."
Now he's in pane.
While trying to avoid hitting a dog, I lost control of my car and landed in a ditch by the side of road. With some difficulty, as I crawled out of the ditch, a beautiful woman who had stopped her car and came to help me asked "Are you okay?" "I'm okay I think," I replied as I pulled myself up. She said, “Come, get in my car. I’ll take you to my place that is only few blocks away. You can clean up, and then I will examine to confirm that you are not hurt.” "That's nice of you," I answered, "but I don't think my wife will like me doing that!" "Oh, come on, I’m a Doctor," she insisted. "We need to see if you have any scrapes and treat them properly." Well, she was really pretty and very kind. I could not say no, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this." We arrived at her place and after cleaning up, she examining me to confirm that I do not have any major injury and then offered a drink. We had couple of drinks, but all along I was feeling guilty and finally told her, "I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I'd better go now." "Don't be silly!" she said with a smile, "Stay for a while. She won't know anything. I suppose, she must be at home, right?" "Well, not really. She must be still in the ditch."
Suddenly, a stranger appears and starts to talk with her. Stranger: What is your name, sad lady Lady: My name is Edit, I am the daughter of Solomon and Alta. I am asking for help because I have nothing to eat Stranger: I just won this golden coin in a game of poker. I feel guilty for keeping something earned so dishonestly. Looks like you could have better use for it. Edit: Wow, thanks for the gold, kind stranger!