What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot.

Son: “Dad, are we pyromaniacs?”

“Yes, we arson.”

I hate Russian dolls.

They're so full of themselves.

Have you ever tried eating a clock?

It's really time consuming. Especially if you go for seconds.

On Father’s Day, I thanked my dad for his contribution to my birth.

He said it was his pleasure.

Mahatma Gandhi walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ..

A super calloused fragile mystic cursed with halitosis.

Who here believes in telekinesis?

Raise my hand. (Celebrating my first Father’s Day as a dad with my first post in this sub!)

I broke 2 fingers on my right hand today

On the other hand everything is OK. Happy Fathers Day everybody

My cousin posted two jokes on this sub, but the mods deleted both of them.

He is my cousin, twice [removed]

I just witnessed a guy getting shot with a paintball gun.

He dyed on impact.