5YO: “Dad, I’m hungry AND DON’T SAY HI HUNGRY I’M DAD”
Me: "wow … that's a very long name, hungryAndDon'tSayHiHungryI'mDad"
What do lawyers wear to work?
A lawsuit.
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving
You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
My wife said last night “You treat our marriage like it’s some sort of game”
Which unfortunately cost her 12 points and a bonus chance
I finally got my dream job at the guillotine factory
I’ll beheading there shortly
What rhymes with orange?
No it doesn't
How do you make any boat a hat?
You flip it over and it becomes capsized.
I don’t like thin pancakes..
They just crepe me out.
How do you spot a blind man at a nudist beach?
It's not hard