What do you call a factory that only makes good products?
A satisfactory
What did James Bond’s mom say as she was giving birth?
I’ve been expecting you, Mr. Bond.
Why don’t dinosaurs talk ?
Because they're dead
My girlfriend told me, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you sweep or mop in my life.”
I said, “Floors are beneath me.”
I asked a librarian if she had a book about Pavlov’s dog and Schrodinger’s cat…
She said it rang a bell, but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.
I call my horse Mayo
And sometimes Mayo Neighs. (My dad plays RedDead Redemption and he legitimately caught a horse just to make this joke)
A slice of apple pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.00 in the Bahamas.
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean
“If organ trafficking is illegal….”
"Then what about pianos?" -my half drunk dad
How does Moses make his coffee?
Hebrews it.