Change Team
![[OC]](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/hv07wsM-400x618.png)
I have a very important job in my company. I make sure that there are enough seats when the Directors meet.
Basically, I'm the Chairman of the Board.
Hookers don’t fart
They let out little prosti-toots
69 fought 70
71
Did you know that camels can last longer without water than sex?
They can go three weeks without water, but can't go a day without a hump.
Amazing… she managed to point out her and her father’s amazing ineptitude in one fell swoop.
https://ift.tt/2MvvFYh
I used to think i was indecisive, now I’m not sure.
No text found
Nine ants were kicked out of the apartment complex
Because they were not tenants.
As a landlord, I truly value my easy-going, Chinese food-loving occupants.
They're lo mein tenants.
Rest In Peace Boiled Water
You'll be mist.
I, foolishly, named my daughter Daenerys before seeing how Game of Thrones ended. But you live and you learn.
Now to take a big sip of coffee, sit down with my son, Judas, and read about how things worked out for this Jesus fella.
A bear walks into a bar…
The bear says: “I’d like a whiskey and……………………….coke please. Bartender says: “Why the big pause?” Bear replies: “I was born with them.” Edit: Thanks for the upvotes! I actually lived this joke right before posting while making dinner for my kids (changed the drink and location). Here’s how it happened: 2yo Child, While holding her bear: Um, daddy?Can I have…………………………..milk pwease? Me: Sure sweetie, but why the big pause?! Only I laughed…my ass off. Guess I’ll just, grin and bear all the repost comments.
A bear goes to the bar and says “can I get one whiskey………………and one coke”
The bartender asked "why the big pause" The bear replies "I was born with them"
An alcoholic law student walks into a bar . . .
He regretted not passing the bar.
My ex-girlfriend just told me she wants us to get back together again. MAN! I sure am LUCKY!
I mean, first I win the lottery and now THIS?!
What do you call the verses added to a song to make it longer?
Extension chords
![It’s [A]mazing how long it takes to finish this maze.](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/52phuza4pvs21-400x224.gif)
My girlfriend’s gynaecologist followed her on Instagram yesterday.
I really don't know what else he wants to see.
R.I.P Boiling water,
You will be mist.
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When the punchline becomes apparent.
The creator of winrar is arrested
His trial is expected to last forever
There’s a new razor designed for dyslexics…
It's the best thing since sliced beard…
People say vegans are annoying
But I've never had any beef with them.
I just got into a car accident!
The other driver got out of his car, and turns out he was a dwarf. He ran up to me and exclaimed "I'm not happy!" So I said, "Well, which one are you then?"
To the person who stole my glasses
I will find you. I have my contacts.
One day a mother and her 5 yr old daughter
Were sitting at a table doing a puzzle. The daughter looks at her mom and says " mommy you have such pretty hair, but why is some of it white?" Smiling the mother tells her " you see honey, whenever you do something that makes me cry. My hair turns a little more grey." Hearing this her daughter's jaw drops and her eyes go wide as she asks " MOMMY WHAT DID YOU DO TO NANNA?"
If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
Ah, this one got me good 😀
I sprayed some deodorant in my mouth.
Now, when I talk, I have this weird Axe-scent
[First day as a waiter] Me: How would you like your steak?
Customer: Well done. Me: Thanks. That’s nice of you, I’m really nervous.
Why did Dracula lie in the wrong coffin?
He made a grave mistake.
Does anyone want to be in a platonic relationship?
I’m asking for a friend.
A student visits the principal’s office one day and the principal says to him, “What’s your name, son?” He replies, “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” The principal looks up and asks him, “Oh, do you have a stutter?”
The student replies, “No sir, my dad has a stutter, but the guy who registered my name was an asshole.”
A man goes to confession and says, “Forgive me father for I have sinned.”
The priest asks if he would like to confess his sins and the man replies, "Yes, father. I used the "F-word" over the weekend." The priest says, "Oh okay, just say three Hail Marys and try to watch your language." The man replies that he would like to confess as to why he said the "F-word". The priest sighs and tells him to continue. "Well father," he begins. "I played golf on Sunday with my buddies instead of going to church." The priest says, "And you got upset over that and swore?" The man replied, "No, that wasn't why I swore. On the first tee I hooked my drive well left into the trees." The priest said, "And that's when you swore." The man replied, a little testily because of the constant interruptions, "No, it wasn't. When I walked up the fairway, I noticed my ball got a lucky bounce and I had a clear shot to the green. However, before I could hit the ball, a squirrel ran by and grabbed my ball and scurried up a tree." The priest asked, "Is that when you said the 'F-word'?" The man replied, "No, because an eagle then flew by and caught the squirrel in its sharp talons and flew away." The priest let out a breath and queried, "Is that when you swore?" The man replied, "No, because the eagle flew over the green and the dying squirrel let go of my golf ball and it landed within 5 inches of the hole." The priest screamed, "Don't tell me you missed that fucking putt!"