Check out the TARDIS… I mean…TURDIS in flight!
I don't know what to make of it
Currently he’s behind bars .
“Don’t worry,” said the doctor. “Those are just contractions.”
There was nothing left but de Brie.
Bernie Sanders confronted the head of the NSA and asked him why they are still illegally surveilling Americans.
The guy replied, “Some people just like to watch the world, Bern.”
Man: AND ?
Mine is just a little pail in comparison.
Now I just need to work out if that's my wife or my girlfriend.
His name was Sir Gay
Restaurant in peace
The Comma Sutra.
I have a complex complex complex.
Because it wasn't even remote-ly funny.
My Wife: Is it frozen? Me: No, it’s Wreck It Ralph. She’s 19 weeks pregnant, I can feel the dad joke wit rising!
that if a woman says "smell this" it usually smells nice
No text found
…you've waisted thyme.
But cocaine is where I draw the line.
It caused quite the revolution back then.
They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."
The only joke there was me, so you can imagine how bad it was.
An elderly couple is in church. The wife says to the husband, “I’ve let out one of those silent farts, what do I do?”
The husband says, "Change the battery in your hearing aid."
They must all be inside jokes.
6 months later, she awakes and asks the doctor about her baby. Doc: You had twins, a boy and a girl. They are both fine. Luckily, your brother named them for you! Woman: Oh god no, not my brother. He is an idiot! What did he name the girl? Doc: Denise. Woman: Well, that is not so bad. What did he call the boy? Doc: Denephew.
There were two antennas on top of a skyscraper collecting radio signals. They meet, fall in love and decide to get married. The wedding wasn’t much to talk about, but the reception was excellent. 😜
To take a photo in front of a church.
Server: slaps customer THE MEN I PLEASE ARE NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!
Which is also known as avocado’s number
I remember being a kid and my parents filling my head with nonsense, like Santa, the Easter bunny and the Tooth Fairy.
Well now that I’m older I don’t fall for that rubbish anymore, thank God.
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Because it's too cold out-Tide
I just didn’t realize it would Zoom.
Apparently the correct term is conjoined twins.