At the end of the film, Tony Says "I am Ironman" The line should have been "Hi Inevitable, I'm Dad"
I was in a long McDonald’s drive-through this morning and the young lady behind me leaned on her horn because I was taking too long to place my order.
“Take the high road,” I thought to myself. So when I got to the first window I paid for her order along with my own. The cashier must have told her what I'd done because as we moved up she leaned out her window and waved to me and mouthed "Thank you.", obviously embarrassed that I had repaid her rudeness with kindness. When I got to the second window I showed them both receipts and took her food too. Now she has to go back to the end of the line to start all over. Don't honk your horn at old people.
Yeah me either, he couldn't make the cut.
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day..
We're losing $1 for every $.79 women are losing
I’m asking for a friend.
She seemed surprised…
To cover its butt quack.
He was a decent philosopher, but a lousy cabinet maker.
It could only yellow.
they're so full of themselves.
I'd have to change my name
Man: I th.. Officer: Yes? Man: The reas.. Officer: Go on. Man: May I please finish my sentence? Officer: Sure. Parole denied.
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They must all be inside jokes.
Sails have gone through the roof
Not wanting to disappoint his fans, he accepted it. He almost finished the drive to his lodging when a police officer stopped his car. The officer asked him, "Have you been drinking?" The comedian denied doing so. The officer then asked, "Is that marijuana I smell?" The comedian replied, "No, I ran over a skunk a few miles back." The officer gave him a good look over and asked, "Why are your eyes red?" The comedian sniffled and said, "It was a baby skunk." Edit: grammar
My dad said they’re wiped out
On one hand it feels great, on the other hand, not so much
It was here a minute ago
They're way too kneady…
Walking. JK! Rolling!
It was after midnight. While enroute to his home, he asked the cabby if he would be a witness. The man suspected his wife was having an affair and he intended to catch her in the act. For 100 dollars, the cabby agreed. Quietly arriving at the house, the husband and cabby tiptoed into the bedroom. The husband switched on the lights, yanked the blanket back and there was his wife in bed with another man. The husband put a gun to the naked man's head. The wife shouted, "Don't do it! This man has been very generous! I lied when I told you I inherited money. He paid for the Corvette I bought for you. He paid for our new cabin cruiser. He paid for our house at the lake. He paid for our country club membership, and he even pays the monthly dues!" Shaking his head from side-to-side the husband slowly lowered the gun. He looked over at the cab driver and said, "What would you do?" The cabby said, "I'd cover his ass up with that blanket before he catches a cold."
They're believed to be used as part of a sting operation
It’s where the devil appears and asks the priest to get out of the child.