but when I do, he laughs.
Always Coming From Take Me Down
They always spike the drinks.
Many years later the dad finds out one boy was adopted by a Mexican family and the other by a Muslim family. The son from the Mexican family, Juan, reaches out to the dad as an adult and the two meet. They have a great time reconnecting and the dad finds out his other son is named Amal. At the end of the day Juan asks his dad if he wants to meet his other son. The dad declines. Juan asks why and the dad says, “if you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.”
What a strange way to start a conversation
Not screaming like the people in the back of his car.
I'm starting to think pearl harbour was an accident
Everybody was Kung Flu fighting, That crap was fast as lightning, In fact, it was a little bit frightening, The experts couldn’t predict the timing, Everybody was Kung Flu fighting.
Their words, not mine.
Patient: “Great, how often do I have to take it?” Doctor: “Every two hours.”
At his 103rd birthday party, my grandfather was asked if he thought that he’d be around for his 104th.
"I certainly do," he replied. "Statistics show that very few people die between the ages of 103 and 104."
I popped over the cube, oreo in hand "I'm working on my beach ball bod"
Cole's law is basically just cabbage.
I came three times in the shower trying to wash it off.
Neil and Bill look at Stephen Hawking and yell, "My God, Stephen, you're cured!"
..and then he kills them all in a flood for not doing what he tells them.
He rubs the lamp and a genie pops out! The genie says that he will grant the man only one wish, and that he has to pick from three choices. He can either be the richest man in the world, the most popular man in the world, or the wisest man in the world. The man says "We all know that money does not bring happiness, and that popularity just makes you a slave to the whims of others, but wisdom is everlasting. I want to be the wisest man in the world." The Genie goes "poof" and suddenly the man's face assumes a serene expression. He sits down, rubbing his chin in thought. Then he looks towards the genie and says, "I should have taken the money".
I replied, "Probably failing my driving test."
Remove their brains from their skulls and everyone loses their mind…
“Sorry, we’re clothed.”
He was consumed by his own pride!
As they walk in the Scotsman proclaims loudly for all to hear “Drinks for the house, on me!” The next day in the newspaper the headlines reads ‘Irish ventriloquist found beaten to death”
The guy sitting next to him says, "Whoa, easy there buddy." The drunk says, "Are you a lawyer?" "No, I'm a thief" says the guy.