A gummy bear
stand in the corner, because its 90 degrees there
I met a guy who was convinced that there were no words in the English language with more syllables than vowels….
I tried to explain to him that he was wrong, but he refused to accept criticism…
I will not be spoken to in that tone of voice.
Because they’re good at it.
Fill it with spring water.
Turns out, my parents weren't even related.
Well, I could use a light snack.
A nurse, a doctor, and an anti-vaxxer walk into a bar. The nurse sits down and says, “I’ll have a shot of tequila!” The doctor sits next to her and says, “Give me a shot of whiskey!” The bartender turns to the anti-vaxxer, "and what are you having?". The anti-vaxxer responds, "no shots for me", then dies from polio.
Comes great response ability.
Out of nowhere a ball comes flying in and hits him. The man doubles over cursing and clutching his hands tightly to his crotch. His friends giggle at his misfortune as a woman comes running over apologizing. "Oh my goodness! I'm so sorry. I didn't see you gentleman when I teed off!" The man red in the face wincing in pain is obviously not impressed by her apology. The woman goes on and explains "luckily I am a nurse. Maybe I could feel around and check to make sure everything is ok?". The man replies exasperated "sure sure do whatever, owww". So the nurse drops to her knees pulls the man's pants down and begins to massage his testicles checking for damage. "And how is that, any better?" she asks. To which the man replies: "Well it feels great but I still think my fucking thumb is broken!"
I would give it one star
Because there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise.
One got pissed off.
Your eyes, cause they dilate
Apparently you’re not allowed to nudge the nearest co-worker and say “get a load of this guy” every time someone walks in.
No text found
Asbestos they can!
I replied "Window or you'll what ?"
I replied, "Mate, it's 2020, you can use any printer you want."
All of them, mountains can't jump.
I guess you could say it was more of a Fanta sea.
It's Not Safe For Work
They do everything on porpoise.
Lawyer: "Mickey, you can't divorce Minnie because she is mentally unstable." Mickey: "I didn't say she was unstable… I said she was fucking Goofy."
…they have those tiny anty bodies…
Because they’re full of Arab semen.
Then she noticed me, so we went for a run instead.
It’s usually the other way around.
A shitty joke.
I will not die in vein!
Creates backwards sentences saying how crazy it is?
Turns out, Israel
This morning at breakfast, my dad looked at us very seriously and said, “It hurts me when I say this..”
..”But I have a sore throat.”