Classic Karen
If Iron Man was a woman…
Would we call her Fe-Male?
DEEPFIRED: Australian PM Scott Morrison known as Scomo caught taking another break
https://ift.tt/2ZJgQaV
If a child refuses to sleep during nap time…
are they guilty of resisting a rest?
Q: Why did Ariel wear seashells?
A: She outgrew her B shells.
What’s Neil Armstrong’s name backwards?
Gnorts Mr Alien 👽 (Illuminati theme song playin')
Tell a woman she’s beautiful a hundred times and she won’t believe you.
Tell a woman she's fat once and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.
My wife blocked me on Facebook because I post too many bird puns.
Well, toucan play that game.
I tried my wife’s essential oils for the first time today.
Worst french fries I've ever had.
What do you call a dictionary on drugs?
High definition.
Why don’t ghosts like rain on halloween?
It dampens theirs spirits.
Ever wondered what to say to your sister when she’s crying ?
“Are you having a crisis ?”
I have like 50 jokes about the unemployed
Trouble is, none of them work.
Diarrhea is hereditary.
Because it runs in your jeans.
I got hit in the head by a soda can the other day…
Luckily, it was a soft drink!
Orion’s belt is a big waist of space.
Ok, it's not that funny, only a 3 star joke
A guy, a pig, and a dog are the only survivors of a terrible shipwreck, and they find themselves stranded on a desert island.
After being there for awhile, they get into a ritual of going to the beach every night to watch the sun go down. One particular evening, the sky was red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle — in short, a perfect night for romance! Well, that pig started looking better and better, and pretty soon the guy rolled towards the pig and put his arm around it. The dog was not very happy with this, and growled fiercely at the guy until he moved his arm away. The three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there were no more efforts at cuddling. A few weeks passed by, and lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was a beautiful young woman. She was in a pretty bad way when they rescued her, and they slowly nursed her back to good health.When she was completely well, they introduced her to their nightly beach ritual. Then came another gloriously beautiful evening — red sunset; delicate cirrus clouds; gentle, warm breeze — again, perfect for romance. The guy started getting "those ideas" again, so he leaned over to the girl, and said, "Um… would you mind taking the dog for a walk?"
The Silver Surfer and Iron Man teamed up…
They formed an alloy-ence
Q: What do you call a Satanist who only eats low-carb pizza?
ʇsnɹɔ-ᴉʇu∀ ǝɥ┴ :∀
People always told me my dyslexia would hold me back and I’d never be any good at poetry.
But they couldn't be more wrong. So far I've made two jugs and a vase.
Two men were washed ashore during World War I.
Their ship, an aging minesweeping model, had wrecked off the coast. As they sought shelter in a makeshift camp, one of them managed to salvage a radio and quickly telegraphed an SOS with their coordinates. To their surprise, a ship responded within the hour, saying it could be at their location in about two weeks. The older soldier shook his head, saying he'd rather take his chances swimming out to the wrecked ship to try and repair it. "You'd really rather play with that old mine craft all day?" the young soldier scoffed. The older man shrugged. "It's better than a fortnight."
What Asian stereo type do you hear the most?
Personally I've got a Sony surround sound system.
I once paid $20.00 to see Prince perform
But I partied like it was $19.99
I want to hear 99 people sing ‘Africa’ by Toto.
It's something that a hundred men or more could never do…
This morning at breakfast, my dad looked at us very seriously and said, “It hurts me when I say this..”
..”But I have a sore throat.”
Сафари парк львов Тайган
https://ift.tt/33T3qd9
One of my favourite words in the English language is “frequently”.
I try to use it as often as possible.
I had a scary math joke…
But I'm 22 to say it