Some tourists in the Museum of Natural History are marveling at some dinosaur bones. One of them asks the guard, "Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?" The guard replies, "They are 65,000,011 years old." "That's an awfully exact number," says the tourist. "How do you know their age so precisely?" The guard answers, "Well, the dinosaur bones were sixty five million years old when I started working here, and that was eleven years ago."
We were talking about the American dream in class and the teacher said to a German boy if he had a German dream. He said, "We did but no-one liked it."
Outlaws are wanted.
-What’s that? -Urine trouble, sir.
So I packed up my stuff and right.
To get to the other side!
Waist of time.
Since then my muggings have been a lot more successful.
Times new ramen
I'll meat you in the middle.
On an unrelated note, I suck at darts.
If it were served warm it would be justwater
Because he fucking hates Carols.
They couldn't find another man of his caliber.
and gave her fifth grade class a challenge to spell any 12 letter word. One kid raised his hand and the teacher called on him. "M-A-S-T-U-R-B-A-T-I-O-N," he spelt. The whole class laughed and the teacher was quite taken aback, but nevertheless congratulated him as it was a 12 letter word and he did manage to spell it correctly. "Wow!" she said. "Well done. That's quite a mouthful!" The kid replies, "No, you're thinking of a blowjob!"
…now I sneak out of parties to go home.
During the Battle of Britain, in just one day, he destroyed 8 German aircrafts killing 32 Nazis. Literally the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.
A 10% survival rate I’m so sorry
"Do you smell carrots?"
“Well son…you see that man with no arms sitting over there? Tell him to clap.” “Mom! I’m blind.” “Exactly.”
… nah, I shouldn’t spread it around
… Not on fire and screaming like everyone else on the bus he was driving.
It was here a minute ago
They don't have the thyme for that, just cumin.
..but I'm sure I've never met herbivore.
A go fuck yourself