Clown emoji, overlaying text, long meme, what else really
One requires oinkment, and the other requires tweetment.
I'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
Scraping those stick family decals off your rear window.
The Eyeful Tower. …ok, that one was bad. Paris-itic, even.
But when I do, he usually laughs
Loving my new sniper rifle.
So he took her to dinner and a movie, and dropped her off at her parent's house.
She made me promise that when she died, I would plant her strawberries on her grave so that people could enjoy them when they visited. When she passed away I fulfilled my promise. She’s dead and berried.
A Man walks into a pet shop and sees a parrot for only $50. Standing next to the cage the man asks, "I wonder why he is so cheap?" "Because I am defective," came the reply. "I've got no legs." A little surprised the man asked, "Well how do you stay on your perch?" The parrot draws him closer and whispers, "I have a big penis. I just wrap it around the bar and stay put. Go offer the owner 30 bucks for me. He'll take it." The man walks out of the store with the parrot and takes him home. They become best of friends. They talk sports, politics, current events. The man could not be happier. One day the man gets home from works and the parrot beckons him over with his wing…"Psst…come here. I need to talk to you." "What?" "It's about your wife." "Yeah, what about her?" "And the postman. Today he knocked and she answered the door in a skimpy black negligee." "What!" "Yes. And then they embraced in a long passionate kiss," the parrot went on. "Holy shit…that can't be possible." "It is. Then they went over to the couch and she slipped him out of his uniform and then things started to get really steamy." "Well," the man asks,"what happened next?" "I don't know," said the parrot. "I got a hard on and fell off my perch."
When I'm feeling saucy.
feels like a weight's been lifted
Your mom can't take a joke.
Me: “Sundae School.”
Which is ironic, because we were both waiting for the bus.
No one knows. But the road will have his vengeance.
A man comes home from his job at the pickle factory. “Honey, I got fired today for sticking my dick in the pickle slicer.” Wife: “My God! What’s happened?” Husband: “She got fired too”
Even though I don't own any leather hands.
Guess that's what I get for buying a pure bread dog.
No text found
It's my second language
At least he likes at least one thing raw.
stand in the corner, because its 90 degrees there
"I'm not Willie Nelson."
A new Jersey!
I said, "It's the amount of money I make."
Her: Can you look upstairs? Me: I can't look up anything
Digging giant tunnels underground.
And lowers it.
..but, I got canned because I couldn’t concentrate.
CELLphies Ok, Im leaving
You have my Word.
I remember it like it was yesterday.
…they have those tiny anty bodies…
Cop: Did you know you have a dead cat in your trunk? Schrodinger: I do now.
It was an absolute whopper
Those were the Good Years.
He drove them nuts.