CNN has had enough of Trump’s bs
Thanks for nothing
Nothing… They fast!
Because it’s past tents
And I thought, “that’s just spam”.
Judge: Repeat infractions? Man: Fine. 3/5 of my tickets are bogus!
But to me, March 14th will always be cake day.
Its like I had never seen herbivore
On his way to the lake he sees one guy dressed from head to toe in red standing on the side of the highway gesturing him to stop. Our guy rolls down the window and asks, “How can I help you?” “I am the red bastard of the asphalt, you got something to eat?” With a smile on his face he hands one of his sandwiches to the red dressed guy and drives away. Not even five minutes later he comes across another guy. This time the guy is dressed fully in yellow, standing on the side and waving him to stop. A bit irritated our guy stops, cranks down the window and asks, “What can I do for you?” “I am the yellow bastard of the asphalt, you got something to drink?” Hardly managing to smile this time he hands to the guy a can of soda and then stomps on the pedal and takes off again. In order to make it to the lakeside before sunset he decides to go faster and not to stop no matter what. To his frustration he sees another guy on the side of the road, dressed all in blue, making a hand signal to stop him. Not quite willing our guy decides to stop a last time. He rolls his window down and yells to the guy, “I know, you’re the blue bastard of the asphalt. But just what the heck do you want?” “Driver’s license and registration please.”
James Bond's doorbell
My dad died last year because I couldn’t remember his blood type in time for the paramedics to give him a blood transfusion.
As he was dying he kept saying be positive, but it's been really hard without him.
Alien vs. predator.
They only had ours!
Numbers not divisible by 2.
Just in case there’s a salad dressing
Dad: Spell! Kid: Spell who? Dad: W… H… O…
I see a few new faces here this week and I must say I am very disappointed.
"Use the fork Luke"