Collateral damage
Where are all the dad jokes stored?
At the dadabase.
![Me in CS-101 writing my first insertion sort algorithm, 2014 [Colorized]](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/no_image_card-4-400x247.png)
I bet a butcher that he couldn’t reach the meat on the top shelf
He refused, because the steaks were too high.
I feel really bad for the class of 2020. They say the year really flies by.
I just didn’t realize it would Zoom.
What do you call a car that’s covered in leaves?
An Autumnobile
A vegan said to me, “People who sell meat are disgusting.”
I said, "People who sell vegetables and fruits are grocer."
Day 284 without sex…
Went jogging in flip flops just to remember the sound
The pessimist sees a tunnel. The optimist a light a the end of the tunnel. The realist sees a train…
The train engineer sees three idiots on the railroad tracks.
What did the Mexican say when the two houses fell on him?
Get off me, homes.
What do you get if you cross a sheep dog with a daisy?
A Collie-flower!
Out of the 26 letters, only E got presents for Christmas.
The other letters were not-E.
A book just fell on my head
I have only my shelf to blame
Wanna hear a joke about coronavirus?
Never mind, you probably won't get it.
When you say “poop” your mouth moves in the same way your anus does.
The same goes for "explosive diarrhea".
I’ve started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes.
It’s all about raisin awareness.
Humans can atmost grow upto 8 feet
But usually most of them have 2
Why did the dog go to college?
To get its pedigree.
Bilbo awoke one morning to find that a Tesco supermarket had been built next to his house
That's an unexpected item in the Baggins area!
If something were heat resistant…
Would you say it's heat proof, to a certain degree?
My partner and I can never agree on vacations.
I want to go to exotic islands and stay in 5 star hotels. She wants to come with me.
I saw a communist joke the other day,
I just had to share it with everyone
I’m just going to get some cigarettes
I’ll be right back
A stormy night.
A loud knocking on the door wakes a man and his wife in the middle of a stormy night. The man opens the door to a stranger, who asks him for a push. "No way!" says the husband, slamming the door shut in the stranger's face. "Who was that?" calls his wife. "Just some drunk asking for a push", he answers, "it's 3 am and pouring heavily out there!" " You should be ashamed", his wife replies, "don't you remember that time when we broke down and those two guys helped us out? You should go and help him." Sighing, the man pulls on his coat and heads out into the pouring rain. "Hello? " He calls out in the dark. "Do you still need a push?" "Yes, please", comes the reply. "Where are you?" the husband calls out. "Over here", the drunk replies, "On the swing".
What do you call Batman when he is injured?
Bruised Wayne
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
Because they lactose
What did the vampire say after drinking the donkey’s blood?
Tastes like ass.
Jews foreskin be like
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