Computer engineers
What does DNA stand for?
National Dyslexic Association
My roomate and i did this game where we cleaned up another ones room everyday.
We were maid for each other.
I took a test to check whether or not I have kleptomania.
It wasn’t my test, but I took it anyway.
There’s only a fine line between a numerator and a denominator.
Only a fraction of people will understand this.
Doctor : You’ve got a problem in your eyes
Dad : Oh i see Doctor : No you can't
Hope this reaches my target audience
Hope this reaches my target audience
Chris: Hey can I borrow a ten?
Kristen: Sure! Christen: thank you Kris: Anytime
They should stock ATM’s better.
I went to 4 different ones and they all said insufficient funds.
I know global warming is bad
but wouldn't it be kinda funny if dinosaurs made humans go extinct?
Dad, are we pyromaniacs?
Yes, we arson.
My wife bought me soy sauce to help ease my depression.
Kikkoman when he's down, I guess.
Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption and stupidity I wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole.
I am thankful every day that I live in Canada.
They say smoking causes cancer
But it cures salmon
Why haven’t Aliens visited our solar system?
They looked at the reviews and we only have one star.
Confucious say a man who runs in front of bus gets tired.
A man who runs behind gets exhausted.
Why did the Pepsi rep get fired?
His blood tested positive for Coke.
I have a few jokes about unemployed people
but none of them seem to work.
What does an island and the letter T have in common
They both are in the middle of water
Stalin appears to Putin in a dream
He says to Putin: "I have two bits of advice for you: kill off all your opponents and paint the Kremlin blue." Putin asks, "Why blue?" Stalin replies, "I knew you would not object to the first one."
I can’t believe it’s been more than a hundred years since Einstein proposed his Theory of Relativity.
It feels like only yesterday.
I’ll never forget my Uncle’s last words to me just before he died.
"Are you still holding the ladder?"
To the person who stole my glasses
I will find you. I have contacts.
What do a hot potato and a thrown pig have in common?
One is a heated yam, and the other is a yeeted ham.
Being a scarecrow is a tough job…
but hay… It’s in my jeans.
When I was a kid, my Dad asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I was greedy and came up with the “brilliant” idea to ask for 10 thousand bucks instead of a toy so that I could buy heaps of toys.
To my surprise he shrugged and said sure. On Christmas Day, I excitedly tore open my gift box. To my anger and disappointment, it only contained 10 plastic toy pigs and deers. “Daaaaaddd!!!!” I wailed in tears. Dad gave me the biggest shit-eating grin and said “Well, I got you ten sows and bucks just like you asked.”
How does Bono spell “color”?
With or without "u"
If I could rearrange the alphabet I’d move U
Cause you’re blocking the TV
Diarrhea is hereditary.
Because it runs in your jeans.
I want to be a mailman, but my friends keep telling me I’ll be terrible at it.
Oops, posted this in the wrong place.