Congratulations Kentucky… now do Moscow Mitch
It is my jingle bell rock.
"Usually to avoid answering questions like these," I replied.
No text found
It's not me, iReddit somewhere.
Dad: Are you insane? Have you completely lost your mind? Are you a moron? Kid: Forget it. There seems to be too many requirements.
And sometimes Mayo Neighs. (My dad plays RedDead Redemption and he legitimately caught a horse just to make this joke)
Never use A-minor.
I'm not ever buying any more baby oil.
A spare, I guess
But it was his dumb asphalt
Kicked out of the petting zoo.
I stopped because I wasnt feeling it.
For a bad altitude
It's something I can see myself doing.
So I stopped and asked what had happened. Through the sobs, said said that she was due to go on holiday, but all the money she had been saving for months was gone. Feeling sorry for her, I decided to give her £50 to try and help a bit. It's not something I'd normally do, but I just found £2,000 in the car park
We really need to raise the bar
until it’s fully groan.
He gets invited to his girlfriend's house. He stops at the pharmacy and says: "Can I get a condom? I'm going to my girlfriend's house tonight and I think I'm gonna get lucky." "Sure" the pharmacist replies. As he walks out he turns around and says: "Actually, her sister has been giving me the eyes as well. You'd better give me another one" "No problem" the pharmacist replies as he hands over another. He turns to walk out again and turns around: "In fact, the mother has been giving me some signs to. I'm pretty sure she wants me the most. Can I have another?" He takes the 3 condoms and turns up at his girlfriend's house. As they all sit down to eat, they begin to say grace. As the prayer finish and they say amen, the boy keeps his head down. His girlfriend: "Wow, I didn't realise you were so religious" The boy, keeping his head down replied: "I didn't know your dad was a pharmacist".
Credit my uncle, who is an uncle joking but not making uncle jokes. A dad-joker but not my dad.
It doesn’t last long for fat people.
Before I got arrested I said "wait I can explain everything'
I waited as long as I could but nobody came, so I just washed them myself.
No text found
Wife: I have something I need to tell you, I’m pregnant. Husband: Hi pregnant, I’m Dad. Wife: No you’re not.
Capitalist My sincere apologies in advance 😉
It's only when I got home I realised I had picked 7 up.
China just got it right off the bat
Guess who came crawling back to me.
A train hits a bus filled with Catholic school girls and they all perish. They are in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates when St. Peter asks the first girl, "Tiffany, have you ever had any contact with a male organ?" She giggles and shyly replies, "Well, I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger." Peter says, "Okay, dip the tip of your finger in the Holy Water and pass through the gate." St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, Jennifer, have you ever had any contact with a male organ? The girl is a little reluctant but replies, "Well, once I fondled and stroked one." St. Peter says, "Okay, dip your whole hand in the Holy Water and pass through the gate. All of a sudden, there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls. One girl is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the front, St. Peter says, "Reeva, What seems to be the rush?" The girl replies, "If I?m going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I want to do it before Jessica sticks her ass in it."
Wife-Can you be serious for a minute? Me-*grins* Ok and you be Shirley Wife-I'm serious! Me-Shirley you can't be Serious, I'm Serious This actually happened. 🙂
He told me to stop masturbating and get the hell out of his office
He's a small arms dealer.
And when the donation tin is makes it's way to the gay man, he leaves a $1000 in the tin. Once the tin makes it's way back to the pastor, the pastor is shocked! He yells, "Whoever left such a generous donation, please make yourself known!". The gay man stands up and says "I did". The pastor smiles at the man and says, "This church thanks you for such a gift! The congregation would love for you to choose 3 hymns". The gay man starts pointing around the church and saying "I will take him, and him and him!"