Context of Agenda
You’ll never hear a Hindu tell a Yo Mamma joke…
They consider cows to be sacred.
Police arrested two kids yesterday
one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one – and let the other off.
What do you call Batman who skips church?
Christian Bale
Mona Lisa was framed.
Then they hung her.
Strong Young Man
A strong young man at a construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had enough. "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that building that you won't be able to wheel back." "You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "Let's see you do it." The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right, Idiot, get in."
Today in sex ed our teacher asked what’s the difference between a male reproductive system and the female reproductive system.
Apparently there’s a vas deferens
I named my dog insane.
So when people ask me ‘are you fucking insane?’ I’ll say no, I’m fucking my sister.
My grandpa got a prescription for Viagra.
Grandma's taking it pretty hard.
Every morning, I find that somebody has quietly put a bunch of celery on my front door step.
I think I’m being stalked.
I tried to join a secret religious society, but the requirements were very strict.
It was called Diffi cult.
Why teddy bears don’t go to the gym?
They don't wanna get ripped
I have written a book on Penguins
In hindsight, paper would have been better.
What does the marxman put in his gun?
Communition!
Finally the answer for why people are panic buying toilet paper
Every time on person sneezes, 10 people around them shit themselves.
I told my 3yr old daughter “I’m tired.”
"Oh. I thought you were daddy!" I've never been so proud.
What did the lawyer wear to his next case?
His Law Suit.
The curious customer
A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About 2 hours." The guy left. A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around at the shop and said, "About 3 hours." The guy left. A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop and said, "About an hour and a half." The guy left. The barber turned to his friend and said, "Hey, Bob, do me a favor, follow him and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but he never comes back." A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asked, "So, where does he go when he leaves?" Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said, "Your house!"
Which organ do you need to live?
The liver.
My christmas plant has lost it’s leaves,
now it's a disapointsettia.
I had to get rid of my old ladder today
We had our ups and downs but I'll still miss it
I went to the zoo and saw a baguette in a cage.
It was bread in captivity.
My lesbian neighbours bought me a Rolex for my birthday.
It's a really nice gift, but it's not quite what I meant when I said "I wanna watch"
Why did the man name his dogs Rolex and Timex?
They were watch dogs.
