Corona Creativity….
Where does Elsa order her sandwiches?
The arenDeli.
What happens when you slip a chicken a dollar?
Chicken strips.
Farmer Joe’s bull breaks down the barbed wire fence again…
Joe is getting fed up with constantly replacing his fence posts and barbed wire. Chasing down the bull and getting him back to the field is no easy task either. So he goes to his neighbor Steve for advice. Steve being the nice neighborly farmer says "I've got plenty of barbed wire you can use to replace that fence, but I'm getting too old for the hard work. Why don't you hire some of the folks at r/jokes? I hear they're the best at reposting"
When women remove polish with chemicals, no one bats an eye.
When Hitler removes Polish with chemicals, everyone loses their shit..
I took the damaged remains of my luggage to a lawyer and said, “I want to sue the airline!”
The lawyer said, “You don’t seem to have too much of a case.”
A Chinese doctor can’t find a job in a hospital in the US, so he opens a clinic and puts a sign outside that reads “GET TREATMENT FOR $20 – IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100.”
An American lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic. Lawyer: "I have lost my sense of taste." Chinese: "Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 22 and put 3 drops in patient's mouth." Lawyer: "Ugh. this is kerosene." Chinese: "Congrats, your sense of taste is restored. Give me $20." The annoyed lawyer goes back after a few days to recover his money. Lawyer: "I have lost my memory. I cannot remember anything." Chinese: "Nurse, bring medicine from box no. 22 and put 3 drops in his mouth." Lawyer (annoyed): "This is kerosene. You gave this to me last time for restoring my taste." Chinese: "Congrats. You got your memory back. Give me $20." The fuming lawyer pays him, and then comes back a week later determined to get back $100. Lawyer: "My eyesight has become very weak I can't see at all." Chinese: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that, so take this $100." Lawyer (staring at the note): "But this is $20, not $100!!" Chinese: "Congrats, your eyesight is restored. Give me $20"
What did the duck say when she bought a lipstick?
Put it on my bill!!
How many alzheimer’s patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
To get to the other side!
My wife tells me I should never steal kitchen utensils…
…but it's a whisk that I'm willing to take
When I noticed “HI” in the alphabet, I thought someone was actually going to be my friend…
Then I saw the next two letters…
I love telling dad jokes, but I don’t have any kids.
I guess that makes me a faux pa.
My son is a man trapped in a woman’s body..
He’ll be born in March.
The Secret Service are no longer allowed to say “Get down Mr. President!”
Now they have to yell "Donald, Duck!"
I’m the content creator for the IG of the @. Please don’t hold that against me.
https://ift.tt/2DPJYmQ
The other day I bought a thesaurus, but when I got home and opened it, all the pages were blank
I have no words to describe how angry I am
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch
Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale. Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home." The brunette arrives at the man’s ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pick-up truck and drive out here so we can haul it home." The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It’s just 99 cents a word." Well, with only $1 left after paying for the bull, the brunette realizes that she’ll only be able to send her sister one word. After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, “I want you to send her the word, 'comfortable.'” The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pick-up truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, 'comfortable'?" The brunette explains, "My sister’s blonde. She’ll read it slow."
What do you call fake potatoes?
Imitaters
Call me a racist if you want but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption, and stupidity. I wouldn’t touch it with a 10 foot pole.
I just thank my lucky stars I live in Canada.
I hate Russian dolls. They’re so full of themselves
No text found
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
If you’re not part of the solution,
you're part of the precipitate.
I didn’t understand why some people are into incest porn
then I remembered that taste is relative.
Do you know why programers prefer dark mode?
Because light attracts bugs.
Cop: I’m arresting you for illegally downloading the entire Wikipedia!
Me: Wait, I can explain everything!
Just heard someone bragging about their one night stand
Well I've got two night stands and a double bed
Windmills are not all that popular.
Despite having a huge fan base.
I always carry a pebble with me to throw at people who sing Christmas songs in October.
I call it my jingle bell rock.
I was appalled when the waiter told me it’s ‘nacho cheese’
I said i paid for it, it IS my cheese.
My son wanted me to cosign on a loan for college…
I said, "what's your angle?"
It’s an exact model because the dna doesn’t change at all there’s just more of them
https://ift.tt/35YyhXa
What do you call a careful wolf ?
Aware wolf.
I just finished reading “Twenty Thousand Leagues under the Sea.”
The entire novel was a sub-plot.
People say that I’m a plagiarist
Their words, not mine.
A hungry traveler stopped at a monastery and was taken to the kitchen where a brother was frying chips…
"Are you the friar?" he asked. The brother replied "No. I'm the chip monk."
Why can’t you see hippopotamus hiding in trees?
Because they're really good at it.
Her: Let’s exchange numbers
Me: Won't that confuse people who are trying to call us?
My dad always told me that I am special, that I’m the 1%.
Later in life, i learned that condoms only work 99% of the time.
What do orcs want above anything else?
More doors.