Corona oo na na…
What is the difference between a unicorn and a carrot?
One is a funny beast and the other is a bunny feast.
Why are older men so good at dad jokes?
Their funny bone has groan up so theyre more humerus
Where do you store dad jokes ?
In a dad-a-base
Do you know how to spot clickbait?
Obviously not
Why is dark spelled with a k and not a c?
You canât see in the dark
Why should you be worried if you see cows smoking marijuana?
Cause that's when the steaks are highest.
At your time of life…
A very old man told me this story. "I finally left my house to go out to the store this week, and who do I see but my pastor comes walking over to me with a Bible under his arm. And this fella, he says to me, 'I haven't seen you in church recently.' Well that made me made, because you know, anybody who knows me knows that I've been in my house for the last two months with the virus going around. And he can tell I'm mad, but that doesn't stop him. This fella goes to hand me his bible, and he says 'A man of your age and your condition, I think you need to start thinking about the hereafter. Now, I've outlined a few passages that I think you ought to read.' But I pushed it back into his hands, and I say 'Pastor. You can keep your bible. I don't need it. I think about the hereafter every damn day. First thing when I wake up in the morning, I walk into the kitchen, then I go into the bathroom, then I go into my bedroom again, then I go back into the kitchen and stand there looking into the icebox for twenty damn minutes wondering…. now what was I hereafter?' "
Harry Potter has way too many characters…
Even J.K. Rolling has a hard time keeping all the characters straight.
The Fast and The Furious 10 title should be dedicated to Paul Walker
Fast 10: Your Seatbelts
*Hits Blunt*
Blunt: Hey what the fuck man
Scientists pinpoint the initial cross-species transmission episode back to 1992
https://ift.tt/3aJJm0B
I believe that venison made from female deer should be classed as a form of bread.
After all, it's cooked doe.
“This egg carton has a barncode.”
https://i.redd.it/q7jnircmftq41.jpg
Have you heard about the new craze where guys bedazzle their testicles?
It's Pretty Nuts.
Why are Canadians always over qualified for jobs in the US?
Because zero degrees in Canada is the same as 32 in the States.
My dad is going through heart failure, and the first text that I get from him after sending him a card says:
âNo more corny jokes, now just corn-orary jokesâ Iâm glad he still has his sense of humor through these tough times
Stolen off of r/memes. Go support the original poster. I’ll put his account in the comments
https://ift.tt/2WYsJdm
Why does a duck have feathers?
To cover its butt quack.
OC boomer comics are now limited to Sundays. If it’s satire, it belongs on r/antiboomershumor
This decision was based on feedback from both users and moderators.If you have any feedback or comments on how the sub is doing, or how it’s being run, please comment below.phone bad
3 guys have a sleep over
3 guys have a sleep over after watching a scary movie, they all decide to stay in the same bed. The next morning the guy on the left says " last night i had the best dream a beautiful blonde girl was wanking me off " The guy on the right says " That's strange I had a similar dream except the girl was a brunette " The guy in the mindle saying " Fuck sake I had a dream I was skiing "
Time flies like an arrow,
and fruit flies like a banana.
My dad just got a tattoo of a Thermos on his palm…
Now whenever someone tries to shake his hand he says "Don't you dare touch my thermos tat!"
I found out how vaccines cause autism,
Vaccinated kids live long enough to be diagnosed with autism.
I told my wife that the milkman said he had shagged every woman in our road except one!!
âI bet itâs the snooty bitch at number twenty three,â she replied.
How many volunteers do we have for my army ?
"385, my liege." "Okay, round them up." "400, my liege."
The sweater my wife gave me was picking up static electricity, so I went to the store to change it.
They gave me another one, free of charge.
4 nuns arrive at the Pearly Gates of Heaven.
St. Peter is there to meet them with a bowl of Holy Water. St. Peter goes up to the first nun and says, "Have you ever touched a penis?" The first nun responds, "Yes I have. I have touched a penis with the tip of my finger." St. Peter holds out the bowl and says, "Dip your finger in this Holy Water, and be free to enter the Kingdom of Heaven." The first nun gladly follows the instruction and proceeds to enter Heaven. St. Peter goes to the second nun and again asks, "Have you ever touched a penis?" The second nun replies hesitantly, "Yes. I have touched a penis with my whole hand." St. Peter smiles and says, "Do not despair, simply dip your whole hand into the Holy Water and enter the Kingdom of Heaven." The second nun quickly does as she is told and gladly steps forth into Heaven. At this point the fourth nun cuts in front of the third nun and says, "Listen, I better go next because I'm not gurgling that shit after she sticks her ass in it."