Coronavirus got to Mexico
A tomato, because most people will look at him and see a vegetable, but he's really a fruit.
I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
He told me to stop masturbating and get the hell out of his office
He just knew it would be groundbreaking.
A priest hooks a huge fish Helping him reel it in, a sailor says "Whoa, look at the size of that fucker!". "Hey, mind your language!" says the priest. Embarrassed, the sailor thinks quickly and blurts out, "Sorry father, but that's what this fish is called, it's a Fucker fish". Accepting the explanation, the priest forgives the sailor and takes the fish back to church. "Look at this huge fucker" says the priest, spotting the bishop. "Language, please! this is God's house," replies the bishop. "No, no that's what this fish is called, "says the priest. "Oh," says the bishop, scratching his chin "I could clean that fucker and we could have it for dinner". So the bishop takes the fish, cleans it, and brings it to the mother superior. "Could you cook this fucker for dinner tonight?" he asks her. "My, what language!" she exclaims, clearly shocked. "No, sister that's what the fish is called – a fucker", says the bishop. Satisfied with the explanation, the mother superior says, "Wonderful, I'll cook that fucker tonight, The Pope is coming for dinner!" The fish tastes just great and The Pope asks where they got it. "Well, I caught the fucker!" says the priest. "And I cleaned the fucker!" says the bishop. "And I cooked the fucker!" says the mother superior. The Pope stares at them for a minute with a steely glaze, leans back on his chair, takes off his cap, puts his feet up on the table, pours himself a whiskey and says:" You know what?, You cunts are alright."
It's not stroganoff
But he was so good I didn’t give a shit.
Either you have twice as many dad jokes or get stuck in an endless loop of "go ask your mother"
existence is pain.
Man she really wanted a daughter.
He said, “Sorry. No time.”
I rest in peas.
The horse-pital. No I’m kidding they get shot
As I walked out the door, she screamed… "I wish you a slow and painful death you bastard!!" "Oh!" I replied "so you want me to fucking stay now!"
A small medium at large
Me: okay, so. I would identify as bisexual. Dad: and that means you would have a male partner Me: yep Dad: and a female partner. Me: yep Dad: and that means your bi Me: yep Dad: so that means if you don’t have a partner your on standbi. Me: Me: Me: Me: did you just
Because Republicans always insist on carrying a baby to full term.
"Have to love Easter, baby…."
They are ok by themselves, but when three of them get together, they are just horribly racist.
Dad: “Go stand in a corner. It’s 90 degrees.”
It was bread in captivity.
The first guy takes a bite out of an apple and says its too sweet. So he throws it out of the plane. The second guy takes a bite out of a lemon and says its to sour. He also throws it out of the plane. The third guy takes a bite of a grenade and says its too hard. So he too throws it out of the plane. The guys land, and they’re walking around town. They see a girl crying and ask her why shes crying “An apple came down and killed my cat” she said They walk some more and see a boy crying He said “a lemon came down and killed my dog” They then came across a kid laughing really hard. He said “I farted and the guy behind me exploded”
If nobody's home he just leaves a brochure on the kitchen table.
So when someone asks, tell them it's 12345678
Because their horns don't work.
A father in law
We do it in schools, because we have class.
So I said, "I'm not at your Beckham call."
I thought, "How useless is that? July is ages away."
My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed.
After 2 minutes all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence
They become VERY ANGRY