Could I offer anyone a fine taco?
Jack, a handsome man, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV as the 10:00 news came on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
Jack says, "You know what, I bet he will." The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't." Jack placed $30 on the bar and said, "You're on!" Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset and handed her $30 to Jack, saying, "Fair's fair… Here's your money." Jack replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and knew he would jump." The blonde replies, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again." Jack took the money.
How do you make a waterbed more bouncy?
You add Spring water.
If I could rearrange the alphabet I’d move U
Cuz you’re blocking the TV
A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a blood drive.
The rabbit says "I think I'm a type O."
![[Not my meme] But do you know the answer?](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/hhoyujk4rz541-400x336.jpg)
Why do chicken coops have 2 doors?
Because if they had 4 doors, they would be chicken sedans.
My doctor thinks my diarrhea might be hereditary.
It runs in my jeans.
![[Satire] some good advice here](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/c6qJWVy-400x206.jpg)
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, “Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?” “
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
Why do dragons sleep at day time?
So they can fight knights.
to be frank,
I'd have to change my name
Have you ever tried eating the clock
Its very time consuming
I told my wife, “I feel bad for saying this but you are getting loose and it doesn’t feel as good anymore”
She replied, "don't feel bad, it's not your fault!"
Phone rings…….Dad: What does the Caller ID say?……Son: It says Private Caller……
Dad: Don't answer it. We only pick up for ranks Lieutenant Caller and higher.
I asked my mum, “How much is a couple?”
"2 or 3" she replied. Probably explains why her marriage collapse
April 13th, 2020 Presidential Campaign Rally Masquerading as a COVID-19 Task Force Briefing
https://ift.tt/2Vbc0Tj
What do you call a cheap circumsision?
A rip off.
You can’t plant any flowers
if you haven’t botany
A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian said:
Fuck off, you won't bring it back
Therapist: your wife says you never buy her flowers.
Husband: to be honest, I didn’t know she sold flowers.
Einstein, Newton, and Pascal decide to play hide-and-seek. Einstein is “It,” closes his eyes, counts to 10, and then opens them.
Pascal is nowhere to be seen. Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein, with a piece of chalk in his hand. He's sitting in a box drawn on the ground, a meter to one side. Einstein says, "Newton, you're terrible, I've found you!" Newton says, "No no, no. You've found one Newton per square meter. You've found Pascal!"
What did Santa say to Mrs. Claus when he saw a thunderstorm?
Looks like reindeer!!
When dad died he left me his Subaru.
It was his final Legacy.
When is a door not a door?
When it's ajar.
German sausage is the wurst.
No text found
It’s funny that when a guy sleeps with a ton of girls, he is a stud.
But when a girl sleeps with a ton of guys, I’m somehow never one of them.
“Won’t you kiss me, doctor”, asks a beautiful woman.
"No, it would be against my code of ethics," says the doctor. "Please, just one kiss," begs the woman. "It's completely out of question," he goes on. "I shouldn't even really be having sex with you."
I debated a flat earthier once
He got so mad that he stormed off saying that he would walk to the edge of the earth to prove me wrong. He’ll come around eventually
Husband and wife are sunbathing at a nudist beach… NSFW
When suddenly a wasp flies into the wife's vagina. She screams in terror, and frantically tells her husband what happened. He scoops her into his arms, throws her into the car and speeds to the hospital. At the hospital the doctor tries a few different ways to remove the wasp with each one failing. The doctor has an idea, turns to the husband and says, "We will coat your penis with honey, you insert it into your wife. When you feel the wasp on your head, slowly remove it." The husband gives it a try but with all the yelling, hectic drive and stress of the situation, he cannot get an erection. The doctor says, "With both your permissions, I can perform the procedure." Fearing that the wasp can do damage in there, they both readily agree. The doctor pulls down his scrubs, smears himself with honey and gets instantly hard. He slowly inserts his honey covered penis a few inches into the wife's vagina. Withdraws an inch, slides back in a couple inches, withdraws a few inches. "There he is… no, lost him… I think I got him. No, no. Lost him again…" Over the next 20 minutes, the doctor's comments has turned into grunts and pants. He now has sweat dripping from his face, while pumping the wife viorously. The wife is moaning wildly, and has locked her legs around the doctors hips. The husband is on the edge of his seat and screams, "Doctor, tell me what's happening!? What's going on in there!" Doctor replies, "Change of plans. I'm going to drown that little fucker."
I used to hate facial hair.
But then it grew on me.
What do you call a dwarf from mexico?
A paragraph, because he's only a short ese.
What do you call a cancer doctor when they’re on call?
An oncologist.
What did the mute man say to the bartender?
No text found
My son is now at that age where he’s curious about the human body.
I guess I'll have to hide it somewhere else now.
What do you call a ghost’s boobs?
Paranormal entitties.
