Dad sent this to me.
They aren’t going to make them any longer.
Because he couldn't see that well
Larry Tesler, the inventor of copy and paste died today. Larry Tesler, the inventor of copy and paste died today. Larry Tesler, the inventor of copy and paste died today. Larry Tesler, the inventor of copy and paste died today.
He got buzzed
She kept screaming “I’m Wei Tu Yung”. Like I was supposed to know the name.
I’m their new spokesman.
He had an iron deficiency
The bartender asks him: “What’ll you have?” The man says: “Give me three pints of Guinness please.” So the bartender brings him three pints and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they’re gone. He then orders three more. The bartender says: “Sir, I know you like them cold. You don’t have to order three at a time. I can keep an eye on it and when you get low I’ll bring you a fresh cold one.” The man says: “You don’t understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the States. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night we’d still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three Guinness Stouts too, and we’re drinking together.” The bartender thought that was a wonderful tradition. Every week the man came in and ordered three beers. Then one week he came in and ordered only two. He drank them and then ordered two more. The bartender said to him: “I know what your tradition is, and I’d just like to say that I’m sorry that one of your brothers died.” The man said: “Oh, me brothers are fine – I just quit drinking.”
Having to clean the monitor.
It’s the little things that count.
She's probably pulling your leg.
No text found
Because they can’t have mussels.
…the other four letters?
Apparently they are desperate to get a photo of A hole that sucks all your time and energy.
then 25.8069758 is the root of all evil
They don't have Windows…
Because they always keep their eyes peeled.
Last night for example, I couldn't fall asleep, because the rain kept telling me to go fuck myself.
One is a whiny toddler and the other is a tiny waddler…
I know it's hard to believe, but I saw it with my own two eyes.
But I laugh harder
I have only my shelf to blame
Just in case there is a salad dressing . This was horrible lol
I showed the damaged remains of my luggage to a lawyer, and asked him whether I can sue the airline.
He said, “You don’t have much of a case.”
Yes, we arson.
A pilot, you racist
A great thing ruined by a period
Wife, “I don’t like calling you at work.”