Damn it r/funny.
seemed to be a booby trap.
Because they did it before it was cool
But math puns make me number.
Because he's always in stitches!
It's a really nice gift, but it's not quite what I meant when I said "I wanna watch"
All of them. Never split the party.
It was framed!
because it was soda-pressing!
Not sure how I feel about that
Dry erase board.
Your mom is so fat that, a group of people started believing that your mom is actually flat. [EDIT] OMG, thanks for the Platinum Wow, thanks for the support guys
In fact, she’d wipe the floor with them.
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"Yeah sure." Joker: "Ok, parental love". Batman: "I don't get it.." "exactly."
A man in an interrogation room says, “I’m not saying a word without my lawyer present!” The cop growls, “You are the lawyer!”
The lawyer shrieks, "Exactly! So where’s my present?!"
They became transparent.
I thought, "I can't turn that down"
Fans will remember that
True story. I used this as an opportunity to tell my first Dad joke: "Hello, Pregnant. My name is Dad." Dumb, but I don't care. I'm on top of the f'ing world right now and nothing can take me down.
It's called the Elder Scrolls Online.
I told her it is a huge missed steak.
He'll be happy to help you beat it.
…he had a dream, and in that dream Trump got his huge military parade after all, complete with hundreds of thousands of cheering, flag-waving people lining the streets. "Was I smiling?" Trump asked. "I don't know," the aide replied. "It was a closed casket."
They're all back stabbers
I said, "In a gym."
Two Americans are touring Europe, and are scheduled to arrive in France Sunday afternoon. However, they arrived several hours early, and had little to do on Sunday morning while everything was closed. "Well," one says to the other, pointing to a nearby Cathedral, "why don't we attend Mass?" "Sure," replies his friend. "But we don't know how the French pray and we can't speak French!" The first guy thinks for a minute. "I have an idea. We'll pick a guy in front of us, and whatever he does, we'll do." His friend agrees. They enter the church, sit close to the front, and choose a guy. Fifteen minutes pass, and their plan is working well. Thirty minutes, no issues. By the time forty-five minutes pass, they've gotten used to the routine. Suddenly, while everyone is seated, the priest says something in French and the gentleman they chose stands up. Without thinking, the two Americans stand up as well. The church bursts into hard laughter. Realizing that no one else is standing up, the two Americans sit down quickly, before deciding to just leave in embarrassment. They wait for the Mass to end, and then approach the priest, who happened to speak English as part of his vocation. "We're really well-meaning people- we don't speak French and just chose some guy to imitate while praying," one says. The priest chuckles. "Ah. You're probably wondering why everyone laughed at you." "Yes," replied the other American. "Well, you see, I announced the Baptism of a child… and asked for the father of the child to stand up."
When it becomes fully groan.
I wish I could post this in any other sub.
First thing he did when I got him home was make a bolt for the door.
Now when I talk I have this weird axe scent
Of course, if he’s a billionaire.